An interesting future.

I've done it. I've turned into what I was told I would become growing up. So far I've accomplished working at McDonald's for a living, although the management position was never mentioned to me when I was young, and now my future husband and I have discussed where we'll shop for necessities and the like....the Dollar Store!!

I ain't even ashamed.

We checked it out and we can get what food and supplies we need for way cheaper than walmart or the grocery store. Of course for fruit and such we'll have to "splurge", but hey when you're living on one income of sorts you have to make do and making do is what we shall be doing! Living smart is what we'll have to do while we start out and we are very aware of that.

In other interesying news I have become and IT Works! Independent Distributor and so far I've sold a few wraps, got a facebook page, and a website going. My kit hasn't arrived yet, but once it does I can go further into getting business. I'll post more on it later, but right now I just wanted to mention it. I figured the extra money I make for now will help out some. I want to try and make it to the top with it.

Anyways got to go.get wedding stuff in order. Look for a Father's Day post later!

The blessing of love and life

"It happens to everyone love, its part of life"

I had a bad day today. A bad day for me means that no matter how hard I try I can not get the will power to rise out of bed let alone actually participate in life. It hurts to do anything and interactions are a chore and I usually end up being terse....anyways this isn't about that. It's about the first sentence of this post. After everything I went through today and with how I've felt I realized that my loving fiance has been there patiently dealing with my roller coaster of emotions today. I've been apologizing and finally he told me that.

Thats what it is all about isn't it? Life, going through the parts of it until we can go no more and are called home. Sometimes it seems like we get burdened beyond what we can stand only to have more and more piled on. But in moments of that utter despair a peace can come and break through that. A moment where we don't feel as alone anymore.

I've gone through some losses this year and falling outs with people I've loved and still love deeply. Despite what I know and what I have been told, the blows keep coming and the hurt they are causing just continues to grow. On top of that my health has been crap and its just piling up....even though at times I want to quit I have this voice telling me to keep going, that its just a part of life, that I have just a while longer until it gets better. Thankfully that voice is a part of the most amazing man :)

This life is such a precious gift. One we can't ignore or take for granted. At the end of the day our heats, minds, bodies, and souls may feel worn out and tired, ready to be done. Its the fact that we are able to wake up the next day that should spur us to keep moving. The fact we were given the opportunity to make each new day better than the last.

That is the real blessing of this life. If you are to get anything out of thisbpost I hope it is that.

48 Days Left

Yep, we're down to the wire here on this whole wedding thing. So far we have all these ideas and concepts, but nothing really concrete...except for outfits and hair.

This whole wedding planning thing is more fun when its someone elses wedding haha. I love doing my own, I just get stressed at times with it all. Thankfully Jonathan's parents have been there to really help out. My family too. Without them all I don't know what I would do.

Joann and I even are talking about starting a business after the wedding, one inspired about something we're constructing to have there! We're pretty pumped and I really think it'll help out financially to do it. Its something that isn't really out there right now so we'd have something unique to offer!! I really hope we can get it up and running. We me having my job part time right now and him not working, money is really tight. Extra income would be a huge blessing.

Its a big part of why I've been so stressed. I don't know what to do about money. My checks barely sustain me right now and with another person its going to be even harder! Of course we will get by, but we can't just live off of what I make right now. I don't know how to talk to anyone about it...I'm kind of embarassed. I want to ask my dad to help out some more with the wedding, but I don't know how to ask. I hate asking for monetary help. I've never been comfortable with it, but I need it right now.

My rent is cheap, well it could be worse, but I'm barely going to scrape enough together this month to pay it. It's going to be a day late at that! I've never paid it late...ever! I've been holding it together and notbsaying anything, but its eating me up inside. Destroying me slowly because I feel like this huge failure. I can barely support myself as it is and I'm getting married in just under two months.

Something good though is that I've lost 12 lbs since I quit working at McDonalds....sadly though I get ill if I eat fast food now so no yummy yums for me. *sigh* Its a good thing though  the weight keeps coming off and with excercise being added even more will drop off!

Well i'm off to bed now. Work in the morning. I just had to get all that off my chest before I exploded!