Tonight I walked two miles...its part of my effort to fit into a size 9. I am being perfectly healthy about it even though I know my mentality isn't. I feel HUGE even though I know I am not. Most of my problems stem from the fact that I view myself as unattractive and the fact that I have a permanent food baby. It doesn't help that I have been having a difficult time with my depression lately. Makes it hard to be motivated when you have no faith or love, for yourself. I wish I could be back to jow I was when I graduated high school. I ballooned after that. I know when it started but I am too ashamed to admit it outloud. I have been curbing how much I eat lately and am working out now. Hopefully working out twice a day will help.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Can it be?
Over a year later and I still feel that irge to serve a mission. My heart is sad that I haven't gone. I worry that if I go I will lose all I have built with Robert. I know that is a selfish thing, but he is important to me.
I am starting to prepare...well trying to be stronger in faith and gaining a knowledge of the gospel and the church. Barbara and I will be living the mission schedule soon and we are both considering it. I just don't want to regret not going. I don't want to ignore this feeling. I am not running from anything this time and I am in a somewhat better place than before. I still have things to work on, but I think I can do it.
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