Doing What I Can

It's hard. This living thing is hard. Most days I just want to lay in bed all day and not do anything. The effort it takes to constantly breathe sometimes is just simply too much. It always seems though that as soon as my thinking turns darker than is manageable, my husband finds a way to shine light into the darkness of my mind.

I was looking at photos of myself over the years. Those times when I hadn't a clue in the world what I was worth. I thought I was ugly and not worth being loved. That I was broken, damaged beyond repair. I grew up fast, and I grew old beyond my physical years. I have been tired and weary for so long; my personal demons weighing and breaking me down further and further.

All of that changed when I met Jonathan. I had never felt so compelled towards another as I did him. I was taken in by his honesty and how willing he was to share his own demons with me. I had just wanted a friend, someone to talk to and hangout with since our friends got married. I ended up with so much more.

Sometimes my husband takes both my demons and his upon his back, just so I can breathe and find my strength again. Other times (not as often as I would like) he lets me shoulder his load for awhile. We're working together to help each other live. He makes me want to live, he makes me want to see what the future has and without having to plan everything out right now! He inspires me to dream and hope for things I haven't in a long while, and he listens with a calm and loving patience.

We are by no means perfect, we're as damaged as they get, but we were made for each other in a way I don't expect many to understand. We only dated for a little over a month before we got engaged, but everyday he proves to me that Heavenly Father led us to each other right when we needed it.

I don't know how this turned into a post about my awesome husband, but hey it's what needed to come out apparently. So if anyone is reading this, don't be afraid to get up and live, find someone or something worth living for. I'm learning to live for myself through my husband's help, but we all have the ability to love ourselves no matter how hard life may seem.

Don't worry lovelies, it gets better.