By breifly viewing a family tree, (which dates back to Constantine the Great, or was it Charlemagne?) I made an educated decision that our first Alderman ancestor's where two French-Brittish brothers, working as fur trappers in Louisiana. They probably looked something like this:
For entertainment purposes I have decided to tell the purely fictional tale of these fine examples of our French and Brittish ancestors.
It all began in 1730 when Pierre Alderman was brought into this earth. He was followed shortly after in 1731 by his younger brother Francios. They also had some sisters, but because it was 1730, women didn't matter. They lived a normal life in London. Thier father was a wealthy English merchant and thier mother was his French love slave. The boy's mother died when she was accidently pushed down the stairs after it was known that she didn't actually speak english. The boys were raised by nannies and sent off to boarding school as soon as they were able.
The boys returned from school full grown men in 1748. They worked in thier father's shop and managed the selling and trading of goods. Thier father died in 1750 of Syphillus (damn those french love slaves) and the boys inhereted the shop. However, being half french, and considering the growing friction between England and France at the time, the boys quickly lost business. Deciding to quit while they were ahead, the boys took a ship to the Americas (not yet known as the United States) and headed toward the french territory in Louisiana. They became trappers and worked with the local Native Americans in a peaceful way so they they could exploit them without killing them, therefore making powerful allies.
1754: French and Indian war. Needless to say, Francios and Pierre, being partly French, surrendered automatically and waited for the war to be over. No story here. After the war they continued thier business as normal.
1775: The dawn of a new era. The Colonist began revolting againts the British scum who dare tax thier tea and tobacco! Francois and Pierre find themselves in French territory sitting back in thier lawn chairs and sleeveless waistcoats laughing at how stupid the colonists are. Surely they will get defeated. Wait, the french are allying with the Colonist? What is this? Are we actually going to have to fight? Ooooh, they are sending boats, nevermind, we're good. Francois and Pierre escape actual fighting yet again. Grabbed themselves a beer and enjoyed the show. (Spoiler alert: The colonists won)
1803: Louisiana Purchase. The brothers find themselves in quite the connundrum. Louisiana now belongs to the Americans. The Americans will not permit these Frenglish men to continue to work in the U.S. with out citizenship or a green card. One night The brothers sat outside thier teepee and discussed thier options. It probably went something like this:
Francois: So, Pierre my brother, It has been a good run here the Americas, but I think its time we consider other options.
Pierre: Its the United States now, remember?
Francois: Yes, yes. The way I see it, we have two options.
1) Become Citizens
Or
2) Go to France
Pierre: But Francios, Napoleon is in power. You KNOW I hate short people and I'd rather die than become and American pig. *spits*
Francois: *spits* Well, we could always go to Canada.
Pierre: American?
Francios: Agreed.
The next day the brother traveled to thier nearest government office and started the long painful process of becoming an American citizen.
Three years later, with a new citizenship and an even newer sense of patriotism, The brothers decided to open up a Guns and Ammo store in Alabama. They hired on a few slaves to help with the shop and all was well. Business thrived for nearly 60 years before the brothers were faced with a new dilema. Lincoln was president and tensions were stirring between North and South. Talk of war was running rampant throughout the country. Francios and Pierre were just begining to notice thier differences of character.
Pierre, being much the conservative southerner believed slaves were slaves and anyone who thought differently could go to hell. Francios, the younger of the two, was more liberal and even took on one if his own slaves as a wife. This caused problems for the brothers. Eventually they decided to sell thier Guns and Ammo store and split the earnings. They bought houses across the way from each other and could be found sitting on the porch with shotguns in thier laps heckling each other from the safety of thier homes.
Francios: You never support anything I do!
Pierre: It ain't my fault you married a ****** !
Francios: Yea, Well Jefferson did it!
1861: The Civil War. Francios and Pierre are getting a little gray around the ears and decide to sit this one out...again. However thier sons were not so lazy. Francios's son fought for the North and Pierre's for the South.
One aweful day the postman brought the brothers a letter. Thier sons had been killed in battle...by each other. They felt an anguish so deep it could make Chuck Norris cry(if Chuck Norris had tear ducts that is). Not being able to see each other without seeing thier dead sons, Francois moved up North with his brood of mixed race children (cuz apparently the Northerners were into that) and were never heard from again. Pierre remained in Alabama and lives there to this day.
And that my friends is the story of our Great Great whomever they are. Can you see the resemblance?
Long live the Frenglish!
*Disclaimer: None of the above actually happened except for the fact that there were once two brothers named Francios and Pierre. XP
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