Really Trying

This past week my problems with depression have really caught up with me. I know I kind of was asking for it with putting off dealing with my grief andnot facing the sadness for more than a day, but honestly I don't think I could handle it all at once. Now I am paying for it though. I sleep like the dead and it doesn't matter how long I sleep...I NEED more and more sleep. I don't have insomnia anymore because it is so bad. I also have seen a return of my penchant for snacking.....ugh. Yeah I gained back the weight I lost and thankfully I haven't gained more than that! I don't even realize I am eating until more than half of what I am noming on is gone and than it's like "Might as well finish it."

I feel like such a heifer.

Today I saw Robert for the first time since the breakup and let me tell you it has not been fun. He was driving fast in order to look at these two girls in this audi on our way to Vegas and I was just like "Seriously?" It kind of really hurt. I mean yes we broke up, but for hell's sake man! It was only two weeks ago and after almost two years together I don't need or deserve to see you looking at others girls. Especially when they are like 8s and I am around a 6. Don't look at them in front of me. I don't want to know what you are interested in now. I don't want to know or even think about you with another girl. I mean you broke up with me because right now isn't a good time for you to have a relationship. You said you still loved me. Please act like it and respect that and I will respect you.

I probably had it coming though since I mentioned that Chase and I hung out. I didn't say anything about being interested or anything. Just said we have hung out and what not. Oh and speaking of Chase. We hung out last night I really enjoyed myself! I am going to admit that I am crushing a bit on him, but because of the above mentioned paragraph I am pretty positive that I may still be on the "not ready" list. But the fact that I was more annoyed than hurt is a good sign I think. Although yesterday I got asked when Robert and I are getting married and THAT almost made me cry. I had to explain that we broke up and they were going on and on about how cute we were and yada yada yada.

I wanted to punch something.

But I have been going out and having fun this week and I am looking forward to more fun times like getting my engine fixed (for reals), moving out, and getting my puppy!!!! I went to visit him on monday and HE IS SO FAT!!!!! I am thinking I am going to name him Tank, but I am coming up with a few more names, but Tank fits him. Linda told me that he learned how to climb out of the pen and was running around the yard by himself. Now she is waiting for the rest to figure it out since they will just watch him. My future dog is a genius and I couldn't be more proud! I am within the next month planning on moving out and I am also going to be enrolling in a massage therapy program. I am really excited about how life's pieces are falling into place!!!!!!!

Also I must note that I have been praying everyday at least twice a day and I have only missed one day of scripture reading. Spiritual BAMF!!! hahaha jk !

Endings and beginnings.

Robert and I broke up.

And onto other news....just kidding I won't leave anyone hanging. We split amicably, it is for the best and we are still friends. I still really love him, but its that wjole "if you love them let them go thing" you know? He has things he needs to do and to workout and honestly I am figuring out that I am in the same boat. If we end up back together it won't be for awhile, but who knows what will happen? This life constantly changes, so who knows where the wind will blow us.

I met with President and we discussed my drinking and other descretions. It felt really good to talk to him and to be open about it. Verdict isn't too bad and I am in the repentance process right now. We discussed the option of a mission and that door won't be opened for about year, but that is perfect to give me time to think about it and/ or prepare for one if I so choose to. So far I have decided to work towards it and see where the road leads me. I am confident in that decision and honestly it feels really amazing! Like I finally am on the correct path. Sure I took a detour (an amazing one) but I am back on course.

I have come up with a plan to be debt free.in the next couple of months. It is pretty.much going to be miserable for a bit, but once that debt is gone it is gonna be pretty banging. I'm taking care of my car first though so there is that, but yeah once the valve is fixed I am giving myself 150 of each check for gas and the rest is for bills. I realized I waste money on stupid things and have decided no more...after hunger games tomorrow of course. No way I am missing that!!! But after that I ain't spending anything! I could put all the unnecessary spending into savings and save most of the money for a mission just by not spending!

I really can't wait!!

What a night

So tonight I get to spend all night doing about four months of work before work at 8 am tomorrow. I  am going to succeed whether it kills me or not, but I wanted to post something before doing the workload of death for a management course.
The picture was taken this past su.day at around 4 am. Yes the cat is asleep. Like a boss he owns the hallway at night successfully blocking both the door to my room and my brother's room making bathroom trips perilous.

Also I wanted to add that my mad dash of work is not my fault. I was told a new system would not require the book work and all of a sudden it does. FML...but I am gonna KCCO and show this course who's boss!!

KCCO

The picture says it all.

Ugh!!!!

Times is crazy frustrating! I am facing aoment in my relationship where we either end up progressing to the next level (wedding bells anyone?) Or flat out breaking up. On top of that my weight loss has been difficult and I am awaiting Aunt Flo....hoping she.comes this month.

My car engine is gonna get replaced so there is a plus side and work is going pretty good. I have decided to take massage therapy classes at CSN and become a Licensed Massage Therapist. It will be a better job and will be convenient for going to school and possibly moving out of the Valley.

I am hoping to do so and soon....i want a puppy that one of my coworker's dog gave birth to.

Sorry for the random spatterings of my thoughts. The wind is blowing crazy and my mind has left with it.