Really Trying

This past week my problems with depression have really caught up with me. I know I kind of was asking for it with putting off dealing with my grief andnot facing the sadness for more than a day, but honestly I don't think I could handle it all at once. Now I am paying for it though. I sleep like the dead and it doesn't matter how long I sleep...I NEED more and more sleep. I don't have insomnia anymore because it is so bad. I also have seen a return of my penchant for snacking.....ugh. Yeah I gained back the weight I lost and thankfully I haven't gained more than that! I don't even realize I am eating until more than half of what I am noming on is gone and than it's like "Might as well finish it."

I feel like such a heifer.

Today I saw Robert for the first time since the breakup and let me tell you it has not been fun. He was driving fast in order to look at these two girls in this audi on our way to Vegas and I was just like "Seriously?" It kind of really hurt. I mean yes we broke up, but for hell's sake man! It was only two weeks ago and after almost two years together I don't need or deserve to see you looking at others girls. Especially when they are like 8s and I am around a 6. Don't look at them in front of me. I don't want to know what you are interested in now. I don't want to know or even think about you with another girl. I mean you broke up with me because right now isn't a good time for you to have a relationship. You said you still loved me. Please act like it and respect that and I will respect you.

I probably had it coming though since I mentioned that Chase and I hung out. I didn't say anything about being interested or anything. Just said we have hung out and what not. Oh and speaking of Chase. We hung out last night I really enjoyed myself! I am going to admit that I am crushing a bit on him, but because of the above mentioned paragraph I am pretty positive that I may still be on the "not ready" list. But the fact that I was more annoyed than hurt is a good sign I think. Although yesterday I got asked when Robert and I are getting married and THAT almost made me cry. I had to explain that we broke up and they were going on and on about how cute we were and yada yada yada.

I wanted to punch something.

But I have been going out and having fun this week and I am looking forward to more fun times like getting my engine fixed (for reals), moving out, and getting my puppy!!!! I went to visit him on monday and HE IS SO FAT!!!!! I am thinking I am going to name him Tank, but I am coming up with a few more names, but Tank fits him. Linda told me that he learned how to climb out of the pen and was running around the yard by himself. Now she is waiting for the rest to figure it out since they will just watch him. My future dog is a genius and I couldn't be more proud! I am within the next month planning on moving out and I am also going to be enrolling in a massage therapy program. I am really excited about how life's pieces are falling into place!!!!!!!

Also I must note that I have been praying everyday at least twice a day and I have only missed one day of scripture reading. Spiritual BAMF!!! hahaha jk !