I have a dilemma people. One that I do not like having and one that I am absolutely and positively sure that I shouldn't even have in the first place. It is complicated and confusing to explain, but to put it simply.
...I have people who hate me.
*le gasp* Say it isn't so! I wish I could say the opposite friends, but unfortunately I can not. For reasons I will never truly understand I have at least three people on this planet who have hated me for quite sometime, possibly for as long as they have known me....which is basically almost my whole life. Some of you may know who I am talking about and for those who don't let me fill you in.
My parents divorced when I was almost two...they both remarried before than, but hey l'amour is l'amour. The mother unit is still happily married to her second and he is one awesome dude if you don't mind me saying....but the father unit...well...he is on his third marriage. But we aren't discussing wife number three tonight. No, we are going down the road to the past, all the way to wife number two....the woman who played "mom" for most of my childhood, and her two daughters who up until I moved into my mom's house were my sisters. Of course I never really got along with one of them, but she is pretty much a villian so not that much of a loss there.
There are many many MANY fond memories of my childhood that include the above mentioned haters. I mean, through every storm there is the eventual ray of sunshine right? They were FAMILY to me....but for some reason that I have never been able to understand, it just wasn't the same for them. I honestly have come to believe that Zabrina never loved me as her own, never saw me as a child or something to love. All that woman ever did was emotionally terrorize me to the point where I still struggle with the effects of it today. I am not scared of her as I once was, I have seen her (from a few feet) since the divorce and I didn't feel anything other than pity for her. I have long ago stopped hating her for the years of abuse and have forgiven her for it. What plagues me is the "why" of it all. I never did anything to her, but for years I was always held responsible for any and all marital problems they had. I bear emotional and physical scars from that time and for reasons that I fear I will never know or understand.
The worst part of it all is that I have a brother that is a total stranger to me. I have made attempts to reach out to him, his sisters, and even his mother, just to be ignored or turned down. I even at one time had Zabrina straight up lie to my father saying I was threatening her and threatening his career and all this baloney. Yeah he called me all angry until I printed the e-mail I had sent and showed it to him. Who in their mother flipping right mind would do that?! This is the logic of the woman who "raised" me people.
I don't understand what I did or how I managed to earn her hate on such a level. I was barely two when we met. Perhaps she saw something she didn't like, I don't know, but what I do know is this. I will never give up, I will never back down, I will never let her win. My brother may be out of reach right now and under her influence, but I will always be here waiting and hoping that one day he will be willing to get to know me again.
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