Two different ideas

So Robert and I had a discussion about our hypothetical wedding (no real marriage talk yet but it's progress right?) and I am slightly alarmed at how different we want things. See for my wedding I have always wanted the reception to be bold and colorful with flowers and candles and just fantastically me. Robert wants beige linens, one flower/feather in a white vase, and just minimal boldness. That's just the reception. The ceremony thankfully we can agree we want a beach wedding. Unfortunately he wants just our parents, siblings, and a couple other people...which would be ideal except that would piss quite a few people I care about off.

I know it's our wedding and all, but I kind of have always pictured my cousins (all 9 of them) and my various uncles and aunts to be there. Don't forget my grandparents either. We are a close bunch. Imperfect but close. To not have them at the ceremony would be....catastrophic to say the least. And if they end up being okay with just going to the reception and it is....well only what he wants? They are definitely going to speak up. My mom and I discussed what he and I had talked about and all she could say was "What's wrong with him?"

I just worry that if we do actually get engaged that this wedding will just be his idea. I love him, but he wasn't really willing to compromise on things...he even was trying to say what I should do for bridesmaids (as far as bouquets go)!! The STRICTLY bride section and he was tearing down my ideas. What the hell? I think he could tell I was not happy with how that discussion went. We only agreed on a live band over a dj and I really could care less what I eat that day (he said steak, baked potato, and salad), and we agreed the cutlery and dishes had to be nice.

What is a girl to do when the guy wants the opposite of what she wants? I am not opposed to him being involved, but what I don't like is his not being really all too open to my input. Compromise is supposed to go two ways, and be equal. Hopefully his need to control this isn't reflective of how he really is because up until now I didn't really think he was the controlling type.

*sigh* who knew that simple discussion would open a can of worms?

Distorted Reality

Taken at Valley Of Fire

Lately my mind has had  twisted and distorted sense of reality. I feel as if I am trapped in the above photo, not really knowing which way is really up. Yes I can see the sky, but how do I get there?

I guess the reason for this is my not knowing what to do with myself. I feel stuck. I feel like I am not going anywhere. I feel unhappy. I don't want to feel like this. I know a lot of my posts focus on my relationship. Yes, it gets boring. My only reason for my fixation is that I have nothing else to really focus on. I reflect a lot on myself and my relationship and I tend to post my findings here. Sad for those of you who are reading this hoping to gain insight into my day to day, but entertaining to those of you who are interested in some anonymous person's life.

I find myself lately thinking "You know it wouldn't be so mad to be a Married Mormon Mommy (MMM)." I have never in any way thought less of my friends who are married and have children. In fact I look upon their lives with a bit of jealousy. They who have managed to achieve the very thing I have been wanting. I want to get married and spawn children. I want to have that companionship and to marry my best friend. I don't want to quickie rush to marriage though, but the rest I will take. I have never sugar coated the fact that I am a hopeless romantic with cynical tendencies, but I am well aware that it would take someone uniquely special to fall in love with me enough to want to spend forever with me.

I worry sometimes that it won't happen. I understand that I am only 22 (23 in september!) and that I have my whole life ahead of me. But what if I don't plan on solving world hunger? What if what I want to do is raise a family and live a full and rich life? Yes I can have experiences after marriage and child birth. I plan on traveling and one day I want to go to Ireland/Scotland. But as of right now I have nothing happening. Nothing changing. I know you are supposed to love the life you are given, but I want and need something to change. Otherwise I will end up just blindly moving along in the world, with no realy ambitions.

MagnaQuartz

The beautiful set of jewlery that I have photographed is HANDMADE and from the MagnaQuartz company. They make these incredible pieces with quartz (duh), semi-precious stones like jade, turqouis, and others, and also with magnets and lovely decorative beads.

I got mine today and was pleasantly surprised at how fitting and comfortable to wear each piece is. They are made of everyday wear so naturally they would be comfortable. I won't go into specific details here about the benefits, because I have yet to wear them for more than a minute, but from what other wearers have said, there is more energy, less pain (headaches and such), and for some people their depression symptoms are alleviated.

The brains behind this is a dear frienf of mine named Joy Bischoff. She has studied the benefits of wearing this system and has incorporated NASA radiation technology (think copper) into a system for people to wear. Now people may have forgotten about what happened in Japan with Fukushima and the nuclear meltdowns, but they shouldn't have. It's worse than Chernobyl and we are being still affected by it. This system helps strengthen the bodies natural ability to heal itself and helps create a force field of sorts against harmful elements, such as radiation.

If you are skeptical about it, look at it this way. You get bangin original pieces of jewelry to wear at an affordable price. They also sell home systems (also handmade) if you are looking for something to help against the radiation but don't want to wear jewelry. What could be wrong with buying home decoration and/or jewlery? Even if I have poorly managed to advertise for the company just check out their site and see what it is really about. I promis the folks over at MagnaQuartz do a better job of explaining than I do AND they are quick to respond to any inquiries and orders. Everything is personal and I promise they don't bite! Also I am not receiving any comoensation for this plug.

I already have my goodies!

http://www.magnaquartz.com

Coming to Conclusions

I am coming to the conclusion that I need to just go with the flow of life. I am actually comfortable with where I am at, but I know I need to change some things. I am seriously contemplating going to the Nevada School of Massage Therapy and going through the full-time track. I could get a job in a spa at a hotel and have my own business. I am tired of working at McDonald's and being so....tired of life.

The conclusions about those I have as friends, and those I have kept at a distance has changed as well. I am changing many things about my persepctive. Today is a short post, but it is a mark on my ever progressing journey through life.

Making My Mark

My biggest fear in life is leaving this earth without making my mark upon it. I want to accomplish something, anything that changes this world for the better. I want to die knowing that somehow I created a better place for those I left behind. It is a big reason why I don't know what to do as far as school goes. I haven't figured out that something and I don't know what direction to take my studies. For now I am simply going to get my general education degree and than go from there once I figure it all out. Of course this sets me back as far as progressing towards a career that will get me out of fast food, but hell it is better than spending a ton of money in school and not putting any of what I learn to use.

Maybe with my working on my book(s) I will get lucky and get published....that would be the day right? My original life goal completed! Growing up I wanted to be a writer and have always felt passionately about it. I have WORLDS in my head. Different stories and characters that live and breathe and are a part of me, just waiting for me to bring them to life and share them with others. I was told though from an early age that writing would get me nowhere in life. Do you know how depressing that is? Well Screw off people I am still going to try and one day when you read my books and eagerly wait for the next one I will sit back smiling, knowing that deep down you never expected that from me.

I may from time to time post sections from different stories, or character profiles on here. I am not looking to beat out or replace any stories or books that have come previously before me, but to be able to reside on the same shelf with them. I suppose that is how I will make my mark on the world. Sharing my creativity and passion for these stories with all you lovely people.