There is nothing more attractive than someone who is confident in themselves. Someone who knows how to hold themselves and how to show those around them that they love them.
I am not that person. I look at my relationships with people and I can only think that they deserve better. One day everyone is going to wake up to the reality I have known for years and they are going to see the ugly that has become me. I am alone in a crowded life. I know I am loved and people care about me but no matter how hard I try I can't make myself be as happy as I should be. I hate myself for it. I don't deserve any of these wonderful, caring people.
It is a dark night in my mind tonight.
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