New Goal: Lose at the minimum of one or two lbs a day.
Reason: 17...that's all you need to know for now about the reason.
Over the past two years I have gone over so many ups and downs and reinvented myself so many times that I can't keep track of how many personal revolutions I have gone through. I've grown my hair out, colored it, cut it, and than returned to growing it out. My weight has gone up dramatically and I have been fighting it, but I have finally decided to kick it in the butt and lose it. I've become less shy and more outgoing, more opinionated and more likely to stand up for myself. I am louder and stronger than I was two years ago and I tend to be more honest and open about how I feel or what I am thinking. There are things I am still selfconscious about (mainly my weight) but other aspects of my life I have gained extraordinary confidence. For once in my life I am confident about the path my life is taking, the career I have chosen and the friends I have, my family, and just about everything fits me and how I want to be. No one can say I am the same as I was two years ago. I was an emotionally needy clinger. Okay so I am still pretty emotional, but not about the same things. My independence has grown phenominally and I for the first time ever I actually LOVE who I am! Almost selfishly actually hahaha but considering I used to hate myself this is a great moment for me! I can recognize that I am a beautiful young woman and that I was born to be who I am.
Whether or not this version of me is accepted in general is a test of sorts with my friends and others I know. People are used to who I used to be, who I let myself be for them. I've stopped and now am living for me. It sounds selfish to say that, but my life is not something for others to make or stake a claim on. I have to live my life for me, if others want a part in it a compromise can be made or if their life is at the same beat and tempo as mine they can join in. But You can't match classical music with pop rock...it doesn't always mesh well.
I guess this whole "I AM ME...HERE ME ROAR!" statement is coming from a personal place. I have been told something lately that has started the wheels turning in my head. I didn't think that this would happen. I honestly thought I would be "Oh okay" and than just move on with my life. But...anticipation? Did not see it coming and didn't expect it to. I feel...flabberghasted almost and if I was an emoticon I would be this right now O_O....life certainly has changed me a lot and I look at things differently than i used to. They are rose colored glasses, but with a darker tint than one would think. Whatever happens though I am confident in myself.
Through all of this I have learned to love myself and to love life.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Taxes and Future Hopes
So this year I finally made enough to actually have to file taxes *tear* I thought I could maybe coast by again without making a significant amount but lo and behold I made just under 9,000. Still that is well below the poverty line as far as making money goes and ability to live off of said money, BUT jokes on them because my projected tax return is going to be just over 1,000!!!!! WOOT WOOT! Okay so I didn't strike gold, but hey half of that return is going to help me pay off a debt. And with that debt out of the way I will have only one more to pay and let me tell you that makes me really happy. You have no idea! I am getting the remaining balance of the big debt sent to me, and I know it will be less than it was last time (since I have been sepdning money) but with the correct numbers I will be able to set a more steady budget plan and get that paid off too! My goal is to be debt free by my birthday in September. Preferably before it, but still. I know that when school stops in May I won't be spending hardly any money on gas and hopefully by than I will have a second job and the money will be flowing in! It is probably hard to fathom how happy I am about all of this, but just let me tell you I am ECSTATIC!
Some of you are probably reading this and going "Dude relax, you don't know if all that's going to happen." Well I know that I don't know if it will happen, but I can be optimistic. I am not placing all my hopes on my tax return, but it is nice to look at it and go "Hmm yes that will help." And in actuality it will. So :P Don't try to crap in my cocoa puffs!
All in all with this year's return being so nice I can't really fathom why people don't like filing taxes.
Some of you are probably reading this and going "Dude relax, you don't know if all that's going to happen." Well I know that I don't know if it will happen, but I can be optimistic. I am not placing all my hopes on my tax return, but it is nice to look at it and go "Hmm yes that will help." And in actuality it will. So :P Don't try to crap in my cocoa puffs!
All in all with this year's return being so nice I can't really fathom why people don't like filing taxes.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
What to do? What to Do?
I am experiencing a difficult problem here and it centers around Valentine's Day. Now I normally don't do anything (because what single person does?) but this year I have a boyfriend...but neither of us have done the whole "Valentine's Day with someone" kind of deal before. We both are pretty clueless as to what to do. A friend of mine suggested we go to Vegas and spend the evening there. I mean prices aside, that would be kinda cool, but at the same time there are some rather cheesy implications in that. Not saying the evening wouldn't be fun, but at the same time is spending the night in Vegas something we would enjoy doing?
The other option in this little equation is doing something at home....no matter which house we choose there will be parental units (and in my case younger siblings) so we can't really say we would have quality privacy time. We most likely would watch a movie alone anyways but still, it isn't exactly ideal when family can just walk in or through or even join in on the film.
We don't have very many places we can go to be alone together. It is still pretty chilly at night to do anything outside, so that is ruled out. We would go do a dinner/movie thing, but with me having school on Monday we can't really do that unless we saw a movie in Vegas or something, meaning he would have to drive down there to see it. And with that my thinking goes "Well if he drives down there and we see a movie and than maybe eat after it will be pretty late and we would both be tired so we might as well get a room." But than I also know that I can drive pretty well at night and I do drive well when I am tired. Its kind of sad making this is. I mean sure we can go to his house and watch a movie in his room (and that will probably be what happens), but I was kind of hoping we could manage something we don't (or won't be) doing on a regular basis.
I am at a loss for what to do.
The other option in this little equation is doing something at home....no matter which house we choose there will be parental units (and in my case younger siblings) so we can't really say we would have quality privacy time. We most likely would watch a movie alone anyways but still, it isn't exactly ideal when family can just walk in or through or even join in on the film.
We don't have very many places we can go to be alone together. It is still pretty chilly at night to do anything outside, so that is ruled out. We would go do a dinner/movie thing, but with me having school on Monday we can't really do that unless we saw a movie in Vegas or something, meaning he would have to drive down there to see it. And with that my thinking goes "Well if he drives down there and we see a movie and than maybe eat after it will be pretty late and we would both be tired so we might as well get a room." But than I also know that I can drive pretty well at night and I do drive well when I am tired. Its kind of sad making this is. I mean sure we can go to his house and watch a movie in his room (and that will probably be what happens), but I was kind of hoping we could manage something we don't (or won't be) doing on a regular basis.
I am at a loss for what to do.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Where I Proved My Depression
Taking an abnormal Psychology class is proving to be a bit...depressing. Today our professor asked us on a scale of 1 to 10 how the class would rate us on how much they liked us. He asked who thought it was a 7 or an 8 and EVERYONE BUT ME raised their hands and he looked at me and asked me what I thought and I said that on average most people would rate me and everyone else (since they don't know them) a 5 or a 6. Than he looks at the rest of the class and asks if I am correct. Everyone agreed that they would rate everyone else a 5 or a 6. I thought "Oh cool, I totally got that one right." BUT then he continues with "Most normal thinking tend to think 7 or 8 because they are blowing smoke up their ass, but that type of thinking is generally healthy. Those who rate themselves at a 5 or a 6 rate themselves that way because they are clinically depressed and are lacking that ability to trump themselves up to themselves."
Touche abnormal psychology professor touche. He did apologize for putting it so bluntly and then he asked me if he was correct. What was I going to do? Lie? The man had called me out on my own disorder in front of the entire class. Was my answer supposed to be "No I am just a pessimist"? OF COURSE I told him he was correct, but talk about a harsh slap of reality. I mean there I am sitting with my usual thinking and BOOM I get this reminder that my "normal" is in fact "abnormal".
*sigh* Than we started talking about how I got to that diagnosis and blah blah blah and when it came to the fact that depression runs in BOTH sides of my family he asked me what the trigger was that started the clinical depression and I told him that I had an abusive childhood. He had to explain to the class that I had been born ready to be depressed and I could have managed my whole life without the clinical depression and just having the normal blues, but my environment triggered the chemical imbalance and now there I was sitting in his class, a living breathing case study for these undergraduate students.
My sudden fame is not suiting me at all. I mean, I beat out the postpartum depression lady and the guy with OCD. I would rather drift back into my corner of obscurity and just pass the class without any real big things like that but oh no I opened my mouth with honesty and now there are like 30 some odd strangers who find me fascinating and not for the right reasons.
Sometimes my brain to mouth filter needs to work quicker.
Touche abnormal psychology professor touche. He did apologize for putting it so bluntly and then he asked me if he was correct. What was I going to do? Lie? The man had called me out on my own disorder in front of the entire class. Was my answer supposed to be "No I am just a pessimist"? OF COURSE I told him he was correct, but talk about a harsh slap of reality. I mean there I am sitting with my usual thinking and BOOM I get this reminder that my "normal" is in fact "abnormal".
*sigh* Than we started talking about how I got to that diagnosis and blah blah blah and when it came to the fact that depression runs in BOTH sides of my family he asked me what the trigger was that started the clinical depression and I told him that I had an abusive childhood. He had to explain to the class that I had been born ready to be depressed and I could have managed my whole life without the clinical depression and just having the normal blues, but my environment triggered the chemical imbalance and now there I was sitting in his class, a living breathing case study for these undergraduate students.
My sudden fame is not suiting me at all. I mean, I beat out the postpartum depression lady and the guy with OCD. I would rather drift back into my corner of obscurity and just pass the class without any real big things like that but oh no I opened my mouth with honesty and now there are like 30 some odd strangers who find me fascinating and not for the right reasons.
Sometimes my brain to mouth filter needs to work quicker.
Nadia Gets Serenaded-The Plan
So call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but this week's episode of Glee brought me this wishful sort of hope that I too will one day have a guy serenade me with a love song. It's a long shot, but still I am not a conventional type of girl and a big gesture like that makes me *swoon* My mom is probably reading this right now and rolling her eyes, but I don't really care. I have always lived in a fantasy world (call it a coping mechanism if you will) and I can always easily imagine situations.
This is how the serenading would go down (ideally)
It would be a moonlight picnic overlooking some sort of scenery either on a hill of sorts looking out over a city or like....just somewhere with a nice view. We will be sitting, eating, watching the stars, maybe listening to some tunes and he will look at me and say something totally cliche like "The stars' beauty pales in comparison to you" (See I am brilliant at dramatics) and than he will suddenly bust out with some awesomely mind blowing song that he has practiced for days (hey I don't demand perfection) and although my ears might not exactly be ringing with happy music, I would be so wonderfully overcome that all notes of flats and sharps will be kept on the back burner for future reference (because I will need to remember if I like their singing or not). When he finishes singing he will be no doubt waiting in anticipation for my response and I will be so pleased to finally be able to say "No one has ever serenaded me before! I feel so honored!" and than we will make out and blah blah blah.
Oh yes people that will be how it ideally will play out. Now depending on where I am at in the relationship it would be totally cool if the guy proposed after (I'm saying after awhile of dating) or asked me out (if we have been on a few dates) or professed his love for me ( but only after we have dated for a bit....first date would be creepy). There is room for compromise though, because something like this can't always be planned out perfectly. Things like the weather and *gasp* a lack of a view would have to be inserted into the "Nadia gets serenaded" equation. But overall I think I painted a pretty good outline of how it would work quite well.
Of course I am only writing this because I don't really expect it will happen. I may be a incurable romantic, but I also am a bit cynical when it comes to my own dreamings. I do see what the world is really like through my rose colored glasses and I don't blow smoke up my butt like most normal people do, but damn it I can dream so let me!
If any guys want to serenade me...you know what to do. ;)
This is how the serenading would go down (ideally)
It would be a moonlight picnic overlooking some sort of scenery either on a hill of sorts looking out over a city or like....just somewhere with a nice view. We will be sitting, eating, watching the stars, maybe listening to some tunes and he will look at me and say something totally cliche like "The stars' beauty pales in comparison to you" (See I am brilliant at dramatics) and than he will suddenly bust out with some awesomely mind blowing song that he has practiced for days (hey I don't demand perfection) and although my ears might not exactly be ringing with happy music, I would be so wonderfully overcome that all notes of flats and sharps will be kept on the back burner for future reference (because I will need to remember if I like their singing or not). When he finishes singing he will be no doubt waiting in anticipation for my response and I will be so pleased to finally be able to say "No one has ever serenaded me before! I feel so honored!" and than we will make out and blah blah blah.
Oh yes people that will be how it ideally will play out. Now depending on where I am at in the relationship it would be totally cool if the guy proposed after (I'm saying after awhile of dating) or asked me out (if we have been on a few dates) or professed his love for me ( but only after we have dated for a bit....first date would be creepy). There is room for compromise though, because something like this can't always be planned out perfectly. Things like the weather and *gasp* a lack of a view would have to be inserted into the "Nadia gets serenaded" equation. But overall I think I painted a pretty good outline of how it would work quite well.
Of course I am only writing this because I don't really expect it will happen. I may be a incurable romantic, but I also am a bit cynical when it comes to my own dreamings. I do see what the world is really like through my rose colored glasses and I don't blow smoke up my butt like most normal people do, but damn it I can dream so let me!
If any guys want to serenade me...you know what to do. ;)
I'm Still Human
Let me explain one simple thing before going off into my rant here.
THE HARDEST PART OF MY JOB IS THE CUSTOMERS
Okay so now that that is over with let me begin with my wild rantings of abuse and mistreatment in the customer service/ fast food workforce in which I am currently working. Yes there are actually difficult things about working at McDonald's...no it doesn't take a rocket scientist, but hey I want to see you jump behind the counter and order all the orders we input and than make and than serve out. See how you do. If you are better than us it is either because you have worked in fast food before or you somehow have been secretly watching us and our system and have perfected it and than took me up on this offer.
If either of those are true...I salute you.
If not and you end up failing. I will hand you a napkin to wipe the tears of failure now streaming down your face.
ANYWAYS my whole point about this rant today is to discuss some much needed attitude adjustments that you (the customer) need to make when dealing with me (the fast food worker) or anyone else working in a fast food restaurant or in that case a job that you have deemed as a lesser job. Look we work for minimum wage, often for 40 + hours week and STILL can't afford rent or other expenses that are actually important. We deal with minor to third degree burns from the grill, fingers get sliced from the metal on some of the equipment, we have to constantly run around each other in tight working spaces and memorize prices and orders and what order goes where. Now I know we don't always get it right, but in all actuality we try to because our jobs depend on it. Yeah we aren't always in the best of moods, but you think you would be if you worked for a measly 8.25 an hour to do a job that others won't? Its hard work, my feet each night are killing me, I have burn scars, my face and hair are so oily, and I almost permanently smell of fries.
I could live with all of that easily...if I had better pay and a bit more respect from the people who come and to the restaurant. Look we don't even get tips...but this isn't about my crappy pay. Oh no, this is about the customers. Believe it or not, you aren't always right.
Do you realize we have policies and rules we don't make but are supposed to follow? Do you really think that we make those damn rules? We would love to give you 20 sauces for your 6 nuggets, but hey rules is rules and you only get one (well two with the complimentary one) but we are going to charge if you want extra. That's giving away free food if we just hand you stuff. Hell if we gave you our sauce inventory we might as well throw in some other free food right? And than there is the whole deal with the booster club cards. I friggin hate those. We have to take off like two bucks off a sandwich when they order a large fry and a drink. Now that's cool, but when someone orders a premium or a specialty sandwich and expect their two bucks off...yeah sorry can't do that. It says REGULAR sandwich and you are going for one of the special ones? Two bucks off of those and it might as well be a free one! Just becuase it doesn't specify which sandwiches are which does not mean it is false advertising and it does not mean you can bitch at me because you can't get your sandwich free. I didn't decide this and I sure as hell can't fix the problem. Your threat of not returning actually pleases me and everyone else. We don't want an abusive customer coming to our store. We don't need it!
My favorite people are the ones who come every week but they always seem to find something wrong or I hear them bad mouthing the store, service, whatever it is that made them unhappy. Seriously? You come here all the time and then you complain about it? Tell me what is wrong with that picture? When i don't like somewhere I don't go there. It's easy. Also just because you decide to come to our store doesn't mean we have to roll out the red carpet and ask for your autograph. Yes we do (and should ) treat you nicely and all that jazz, but please leave your bitching pants at the door. If you are nice to us we will be nice to you. It really is that simple. Remember we are the ones making your food. Your very health is in our hands. It never ceases to amaze me how rude and condescending people can be towards us. I mean seriously if I want someone to criticize me or to talk down to me or to act like I am nothing but an amoeba on a flea on a sewer rat than I will go hunt up my ex-stepmother. But even she was nice to fast food workers!!! It just does hurt sometimes and wears me down when there are so many customers that just complain or are rude because we aren't handing them the world on a silver platter. They expect gourmet food and fine dining experiences from us. Get over yourselves. You came to a fast food place, nothing is gourmet about it and the dining is not fine...seriously the chairs and stools are plastic. You are eating off a plastic tray not china. Realize this and stop fooling yourself.
Last but not least do NOT assume that just because I work at a fast food restaurant that I am beneath you or an idiot. I drive my own car (which believe it or not is actually nicer than most who come in), my clothes are nice (I buy my own), I am getting an education and graduated high school with an honors diploma, I am a highly intelligent person, I have never been in prison, and I was born and raised in the states....my name may be foreign but I am not. Most who work at fast food aren't the low lives that people seem to think they are. Hell the ones I have worked with are all decent people (the majority of them anyways) who are living their own lives and living them well. Looking down on me when you find out where I work is not cool either. I am in this college class/ wherever I may be along side you. Obviously my life is not being wasted and you totally were laughing and having an enjoyable time with me before the "Where do you work?" question came up. Is it really all that much of a difference in your opinion of me now? Would it help if I told you the other jobs I have had? I mean you might respect me more if I said I used to be a tutor right? I don't get how I suddenly went from amazing to "omg you work where? *insert look of disgust*" I get it, my job is kind of lame. But the stereotypes and the acting all high and mighty with us when you drive a clunker and are dressed in ratty clothes and smell like death? Yeah not impressing anybody and you really have managed to make us feel better about our lives. So thanks I guess.
Now the only person I will ever let treat me (and I would gladly take it) like I am less than dirt, is someone who drives thru with a Bugatti and they actually own it...that or Gerard Butler...
THE HARDEST PART OF MY JOB IS THE CUSTOMERS
Okay so now that that is over with let me begin with my wild rantings of abuse and mistreatment in the customer service/ fast food workforce in which I am currently working. Yes there are actually difficult things about working at McDonald's...no it doesn't take a rocket scientist, but hey I want to see you jump behind the counter and order all the orders we input and than make and than serve out. See how you do. If you are better than us it is either because you have worked in fast food before or you somehow have been secretly watching us and our system and have perfected it and than took me up on this offer.
If either of those are true...I salute you.
If not and you end up failing. I will hand you a napkin to wipe the tears of failure now streaming down your face.
ANYWAYS my whole point about this rant today is to discuss some much needed attitude adjustments that you (the customer) need to make when dealing with me (the fast food worker) or anyone else working in a fast food restaurant or in that case a job that you have deemed as a lesser job. Look we work for minimum wage, often for 40 + hours week and STILL can't afford rent or other expenses that are actually important. We deal with minor to third degree burns from the grill, fingers get sliced from the metal on some of the equipment, we have to constantly run around each other in tight working spaces and memorize prices and orders and what order goes where. Now I know we don't always get it right, but in all actuality we try to because our jobs depend on it. Yeah we aren't always in the best of moods, but you think you would be if you worked for a measly 8.25 an hour to do a job that others won't? Its hard work, my feet each night are killing me, I have burn scars, my face and hair are so oily, and I almost permanently smell of fries.
I could live with all of that easily...if I had better pay and a bit more respect from the people who come and to the restaurant. Look we don't even get tips...but this isn't about my crappy pay. Oh no, this is about the customers. Believe it or not, you aren't always right.
Do you realize we have policies and rules we don't make but are supposed to follow? Do you really think that we make those damn rules? We would love to give you 20 sauces for your 6 nuggets, but hey rules is rules and you only get one (well two with the complimentary one) but we are going to charge if you want extra. That's giving away free food if we just hand you stuff. Hell if we gave you our sauce inventory we might as well throw in some other free food right? And than there is the whole deal with the booster club cards. I friggin hate those. We have to take off like two bucks off a sandwich when they order a large fry and a drink. Now that's cool, but when someone orders a premium or a specialty sandwich and expect their two bucks off...yeah sorry can't do that. It says REGULAR sandwich and you are going for one of the special ones? Two bucks off of those and it might as well be a free one! Just becuase it doesn't specify which sandwiches are which does not mean it is false advertising and it does not mean you can bitch at me because you can't get your sandwich free. I didn't decide this and I sure as hell can't fix the problem. Your threat of not returning actually pleases me and everyone else. We don't want an abusive customer coming to our store. We don't need it!
My favorite people are the ones who come every week but they always seem to find something wrong or I hear them bad mouthing the store, service, whatever it is that made them unhappy. Seriously? You come here all the time and then you complain about it? Tell me what is wrong with that picture? When i don't like somewhere I don't go there. It's easy. Also just because you decide to come to our store doesn't mean we have to roll out the red carpet and ask for your autograph. Yes we do (and should ) treat you nicely and all that jazz, but please leave your bitching pants at the door. If you are nice to us we will be nice to you. It really is that simple. Remember we are the ones making your food. Your very health is in our hands. It never ceases to amaze me how rude and condescending people can be towards us. I mean seriously if I want someone to criticize me or to talk down to me or to act like I am nothing but an amoeba on a flea on a sewer rat than I will go hunt up my ex-stepmother. But even she was nice to fast food workers!!! It just does hurt sometimes and wears me down when there are so many customers that just complain or are rude because we aren't handing them the world on a silver platter. They expect gourmet food and fine dining experiences from us. Get over yourselves. You came to a fast food place, nothing is gourmet about it and the dining is not fine...seriously the chairs and stools are plastic. You are eating off a plastic tray not china. Realize this and stop fooling yourself.
Last but not least do NOT assume that just because I work at a fast food restaurant that I am beneath you or an idiot. I drive my own car (which believe it or not is actually nicer than most who come in), my clothes are nice (I buy my own), I am getting an education and graduated high school with an honors diploma, I am a highly intelligent person, I have never been in prison, and I was born and raised in the states....my name may be foreign but I am not. Most who work at fast food aren't the low lives that people seem to think they are. Hell the ones I have worked with are all decent people (the majority of them anyways) who are living their own lives and living them well. Looking down on me when you find out where I work is not cool either. I am in this college class/ wherever I may be along side you. Obviously my life is not being wasted and you totally were laughing and having an enjoyable time with me before the "Where do you work?" question came up. Is it really all that much of a difference in your opinion of me now? Would it help if I told you the other jobs I have had? I mean you might respect me more if I said I used to be a tutor right? I don't get how I suddenly went from amazing to "omg you work where? *insert look of disgust*" I get it, my job is kind of lame. But the stereotypes and the acting all high and mighty with us when you drive a clunker and are dressed in ratty clothes and smell like death? Yeah not impressing anybody and you really have managed to make us feel better about our lives. So thanks I guess.
Now the only person I will ever let treat me (and I would gladly take it) like I am less than dirt, is someone who drives thru with a Bugatti and they actually own it...that or Gerard Butler...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Speaking of Love...
My mother sent me this today (knowing I would LOVE it) and she was right...I did! I loved it so much I decided to put it on my blog. See mother I do listen!
"True love puts the other person first, not self. True love DOES NOT cause or even ask another to sin nor does it cause pain to the other person. True love draws one CLOSER to God, and each other not further away. "
I decided to make a list of things I love. I don't really do this often, but since yesterday was a such a Negative Nancy kind of day for me I wanted to remind myself of all the wonderful things I have in my life that continue to bring me joy. So without further to do, Ladies and Gentlemen, the "Things Nadia Loves" list!
1. My family- ALL of them...even the stinky ones....because if you hear or read any conversation we have you will realize that we are all pretty hilarious and smart....so basically we are all smart asses. Who wouldn't love that?!
2. My friends- I won't list specific ones because than others will feel left out. BUT I will say there are start players in that part of the list and without them my life would be a miserable black spot on the face of all humanity. I mean...all I would have would be my smartass family. XD
3. Learning- I will be the first to admit that I am a nerd. I LOVE to learn with a passion of a thousand fiery suns. I love to learn new things and advance my knowledge of old. It can be problematic because my smartass-ness and the way I act with my friends tends to make people think I am not as smart or intelligent as I am.
4. Singing- There is rarely a song that I don't like. There is even more rarely a song I don't like to sing! I sing in the shower, in my room, in my car, at work, and wherever I feel like singing. I am even singing in my head as I type this!
5. Soda- Not just any soda. Regular Coca- Cola soda....the stuff is the nectar of the gods! Seriously I shouldn't be drinking the stuff but OMG I FRIGGIN' LOVE IT!!!
6. Disney- I love (almost) anything Disney. Disneyland is pretty much the shit in my books and I seriously can not fathom how people can go their whole lives and never visit! There are parts of Disney I don't like though like the Disney Channel and how every actor has to somehow become a singer too...when they can't do either. But overall Disney rocks this girls socks.
7. Books- even if I don't read them I collect them. But for the most part once I buy one I read it until I am done. I will literally stay up all night and read just so I can go about my day the next day pondering the book and not concentrating on what is going to happen next.
8. Movies- I love watching movies. Any type actually. It doesn't matter if it is black and white or or computer animated. Once I watch a movie I then feel like I can make a fair judgement upon it as far as the acting and what not.
----okay so that is only 8 for now, but I am going to be getting ready for work shortly. The list though will continue later along with more opinions and comments on things.
I have decided that I am going to just blog my opinions about stuff along with daily anecdotes and blah blah blah. I don't know who all reads this, but seriously I know I bore myself sometimes with these posts hahaha so hopefully I can entertain y'all better.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Big Up The Love
Valentine's Day is coming up and this is the first year I am actually going to have someone to celebrate it with, but I don't even know what we would do or anything. I have school that day and that night I would probably not be home until 8:30 ish pm! I don't really care what we do, but I seriously hope that if a gift is involved it isn't like chocolate or some other typical thing like that. IDK but I have always kinda seen those chocolates and cards the stores hawk as just a way of lessening the importance behind the original holiday. Valentine's day originated in the Catholic church to honor Saint Valentine....except there are numerous Valentines that were martyred and subsequently sainted. It gots its romantic undertones out of legends about Saint Valentine performing marriage ceremonies under the nose the the Roman emperor (but none of this has been proven) and than from the poet Chaucer. It also began to be celebrated as a holiday for love as a way of getting the pagans to assimilate from the roman religion festivities of Lupercallia (fertility festival) to one more.....saintly.
And we are expected to buy chocolates and flowers and witty cards to somehow proclaim our undying love (once a year mind you) to the person we are (currently) intimately linked to.....yeah something doesn't quite smell right. Now I am just as romantic as the next girl and wouldn't mind something to go down on Valentine's Day (V-Day sounds like an STD awareness thing...), but I am also not one who is easily sated by something you can buy at the local drug store or gas station for under a buck. I would rather spend all night huddled under a blanket looking at the stars than be handed a box of crummy chocolates that I will end up sharing with my family. Call me high maintenance if you will, but I think love means more than that. Love is spending time with someone not out of obligation but out of the pure intentions of your heart. It isn't needing a thousand roses (so cliche) or promises that aren't made to be kept. It's about being there for someone on an emotional, physical, mental, and any other kind of level that is required. Love is friendship and companionship, but it is also a level of intimacy and respect. What makes the difference between a relationship and friendship? I love many of my friends deeply and would do many things for them, but there is a line I would never cross with them. With a significant other though there are levels you reach that draw you closer than any friend.
Valentine's Day is this big pressure to out do your normal levels of loving someone on this one day. I personally think you should try to outdo yourself everyday. Simply being affectionate with your partner at least once a day whether it's saying someone like "I love you" or "You look beautiful/handsome" or it is stopping by their work or leaving them an unexpected note or something simple like that. Those things are what make the relationship stronger. Not some half-assed holiday that the candy, flower, jewelry, and card companies build up every year. Though I do have to say some of the stuff they come out with is pretty nifty....it still is a sham. It's important to maintain a level of intimacy and affection year round...not just whip out the love for special occasions like that fine china people use for Christmas! So this year I encourage everyone to big up the love...but on the daily level. Not just for Valentine's.
Feel free to celebrate though. Hey make it your "Big up the Love" Starting point. Go all out and than try to top it the next day! Good luck everyone!
And we are expected to buy chocolates and flowers and witty cards to somehow proclaim our undying love (once a year mind you) to the person we are (currently) intimately linked to.....yeah something doesn't quite smell right. Now I am just as romantic as the next girl and wouldn't mind something to go down on Valentine's Day (V-Day sounds like an STD awareness thing...), but I am also not one who is easily sated by something you can buy at the local drug store or gas station for under a buck. I would rather spend all night huddled under a blanket looking at the stars than be handed a box of crummy chocolates that I will end up sharing with my family. Call me high maintenance if you will, but I think love means more than that. Love is spending time with someone not out of obligation but out of the pure intentions of your heart. It isn't needing a thousand roses (so cliche) or promises that aren't made to be kept. It's about being there for someone on an emotional, physical, mental, and any other kind of level that is required. Love is friendship and companionship, but it is also a level of intimacy and respect. What makes the difference between a relationship and friendship? I love many of my friends deeply and would do many things for them, but there is a line I would never cross with them. With a significant other though there are levels you reach that draw you closer than any friend.
Valentine's Day is this big pressure to out do your normal levels of loving someone on this one day. I personally think you should try to outdo yourself everyday. Simply being affectionate with your partner at least once a day whether it's saying someone like "I love you" or "You look beautiful/handsome" or it is stopping by their work or leaving them an unexpected note or something simple like that. Those things are what make the relationship stronger. Not some half-assed holiday that the candy, flower, jewelry, and card companies build up every year. Though I do have to say some of the stuff they come out with is pretty nifty....it still is a sham. It's important to maintain a level of intimacy and affection year round...not just whip out the love for special occasions like that fine china people use for Christmas! So this year I encourage everyone to big up the love...but on the daily level. Not just for Valentine's.
Feel free to celebrate though. Hey make it your "Big up the Love" Starting point. Go all out and than try to top it the next day! Good luck everyone!
My day...ugh!
Well one week later and already I have dealt with a lot that just baffles me. As it turns out a mission is probably not for me and is not going to happen. Not going to go into details, but too much has changed about me. I know that I would not be at the same level as I once was, I never will be at that same level of faith again. It is disheartening of course, but I now that I have this amazing capacity for adapting and changing myself to fit my needs and the needs of others. I will do what I can and serve my fellow man as best I can with what I have. It is nothing to be ashamed of and I am not at all embarassed to admit that I have changed too much amd my faith has changed in ways that I can't easily put into words. On thursday though I am meeting with the Sister Missionaries because *surprise* they are my visiting teachers. Fantastic isn't it?
Today was a pretty crappy day as far was days go. The morning started out with an arguement of sorts with Robert and than I was on my way to school and I got pulled over because of my license plates and the cop told me I was lucky things worked out with my insurance because they would have had to take me in! Apparently it was looking as if I had stolen my own vehicle! GAH! This scared me and pissed me off and I was 30 minutes late to class. The sub marked me as tardy which means I lost 5 points on a 10 point assignment...since that was the first assignment I am now starting with an F in the class. This did nothing to improve my mood. Math went pretty well considering I only had one problem I didn't understand and I had gotten a 90 on the first quiz of the semester! I went home and talked to my mom than talked to Robert and than got on here. I am slowly making my way to bed, but I felt like coming and blogging.
Despite my whining about my day, I know I am an incredibly blessed person and that the day could have been ten times worse than it was. Colton and I have sort of jumpstarted our friendship again and we have been talking more frequently. I forgot how much I enjoy his friendship hahaha he gets me. I am hoping to make my way to St. George this Thursday to see Kami, but it isn't set in stone yet. I am also trying to spend more time with that lovely apple of my eye named Barbara. The girl is a babe and I LOVE having her back in town!!!
My interview for the Bank Of America position went well. I just need to send in a background verification form thingy and I am good to go. I will hopefully have a face to face interview next week seeing as the Bank managers will be out of town this week. I hope I get the job. I need to be working two since McDonalds isn't enough to live basically. I do enjoy working there and have really learned to like work...it's probably because I have just kind of forced myself to hahaha but still i enjoy it. I even got my first second degree burn last week when closing grill. My pinky touched the bare surface of the clam part of the grill and BOOM insta-blister! It hurts like a mother trucker and I have no patience for it, but I am oddly proud of it at the same time. It's like some weird twisted right of passage. I strangely hope it scars pretty awesomely so I can whip it out and be like "Oh yeah?! Take a gander at this beauty! Bet you ain't seen that big a burn on a pinky before!" and than some poor trainee will be all *faint* and we will laugh and than share how I only get burned because I am so special the grill likes to leave it's mark on me every week. OH and I heard tale that we are getting new uniforms soon! Shawn says they are really cool shirts! We are also getting new pants, belts, hats, and even new nametags which means my magnet one I got in mesquite will get to stay with me since it is different!!!!
It's the little things in life you have got to enjoy.
Today was a pretty crappy day as far was days go. The morning started out with an arguement of sorts with Robert and than I was on my way to school and I got pulled over because of my license plates and the cop told me I was lucky things worked out with my insurance because they would have had to take me in! Apparently it was looking as if I had stolen my own vehicle! GAH! This scared me and pissed me off and I was 30 minutes late to class. The sub marked me as tardy which means I lost 5 points on a 10 point assignment...since that was the first assignment I am now starting with an F in the class. This did nothing to improve my mood. Math went pretty well considering I only had one problem I didn't understand and I had gotten a 90 on the first quiz of the semester! I went home and talked to my mom than talked to Robert and than got on here. I am slowly making my way to bed, but I felt like coming and blogging.
Despite my whining about my day, I know I am an incredibly blessed person and that the day could have been ten times worse than it was. Colton and I have sort of jumpstarted our friendship again and we have been talking more frequently. I forgot how much I enjoy his friendship hahaha he gets me. I am hoping to make my way to St. George this Thursday to see Kami, but it isn't set in stone yet. I am also trying to spend more time with that lovely apple of my eye named Barbara. The girl is a babe and I LOVE having her back in town!!!
My interview for the Bank Of America position went well. I just need to send in a background verification form thingy and I am good to go. I will hopefully have a face to face interview next week seeing as the Bank managers will be out of town this week. I hope I get the job. I need to be working two since McDonalds isn't enough to live basically. I do enjoy working there and have really learned to like work...it's probably because I have just kind of forced myself to hahaha but still i enjoy it. I even got my first second degree burn last week when closing grill. My pinky touched the bare surface of the clam part of the grill and BOOM insta-blister! It hurts like a mother trucker and I have no patience for it, but I am oddly proud of it at the same time. It's like some weird twisted right of passage. I strangely hope it scars pretty awesomely so I can whip it out and be like "Oh yeah?! Take a gander at this beauty! Bet you ain't seen that big a burn on a pinky before!" and than some poor trainee will be all *faint* and we will laugh and than share how I only get burned because I am so special the grill likes to leave it's mark on me every week. OH and I heard tale that we are getting new uniforms soon! Shawn says they are really cool shirts! We are also getting new pants, belts, hats, and even new nametags which means my magnet one I got in mesquite will get to stay with me since it is different!!!!
It's the little things in life you have got to enjoy.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Great BIG Need
Well it has been decided. I am going to focus on serving a mission which means I have to start changing certain behaviors that i have picked up, start attending church regularly, AND go to mission prep which starts at *gag* 6 am! Of course I have some other things to do, but those are the basic ones. Why would I start back on this track again you might ask? It's simple. I need to. It isn't something I have ever doubted. I have doubted when I should go and why I was driven to go, but now I know simply because I need to. I am not running from anything and I am not going to be diving into it unawares. I know if I don't go I will regret it for the rest of my natural life. I know that I have experienced all I have experienced to better put things into perspective for me. My Heavenly Father loves me and while these past few months I have kind of treated Him and that love for me pretty crappy, I have had some eye openers lately that have shown me how He is still here and still loving my imperfect self.
It will be an effort on my part in order to change all that I need to change. I have transgressed on a few things and I haven't done some behaviors in awhile and that's a small win for me, but I have a problem with consistency. Life being busy has helped me stay away from certain things, but the business makes it easier for others to be done. I am not going into detail with what any of them are, but they are those nasty little habits that once you get them they are hard to undo (like fingernail biting *shudder*) My faith is not as strong as it once was, but it is still there. I know a lot of people are going to be upset with my decision, but I now a lot of people who will support me on it as well. I'm going to start saving a portion of each paycheck and hopefully I save enough each month that I will be able to raise the required amount (or more than half of it) before my next birthday.
I am trying to get a second job which will help with that and I am also way closer to paying off some debts than I was last year when I wanted to go. I know that if I don't reach my goal by my birthday that I still have time until my 25th birthday hahaha but I also don't want to be "old" while out there....most of those elders will be younger than me to begin with...and so will most of the sisters!!!
Of course I will try my hardest and put my all into this, but I know that sometimes what we want is not what Heavenly Father has planned for us. I am willing to accept whatever plans He has in store for me, but I know that by going down this chosen path I will be lead wherever I need to be.
It will be an effort on my part in order to change all that I need to change. I have transgressed on a few things and I haven't done some behaviors in awhile and that's a small win for me, but I have a problem with consistency. Life being busy has helped me stay away from certain things, but the business makes it easier for others to be done. I am not going into detail with what any of them are, but they are those nasty little habits that once you get them they are hard to undo (like fingernail biting *shudder*) My faith is not as strong as it once was, but it is still there. I know a lot of people are going to be upset with my decision, but I now a lot of people who will support me on it as well. I'm going to start saving a portion of each paycheck and hopefully I save enough each month that I will be able to raise the required amount (or more than half of it) before my next birthday.
I am trying to get a second job which will help with that and I am also way closer to paying off some debts than I was last year when I wanted to go. I know that if I don't reach my goal by my birthday that I still have time until my 25th birthday hahaha but I also don't want to be "old" while out there....most of those elders will be younger than me to begin with...and so will most of the sisters!!!
Of course I will try my hardest and put my all into this, but I know that sometimes what we want is not what Heavenly Father has planned for us. I am willing to accept whatever plans He has in store for me, but I know that by going down this chosen path I will be lead wherever I need to be.
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