New Goal: Lose at the minimum of one or two lbs a day.
Reason: 17...that's all you need to know for now about the reason.
Over the past two years I have gone over so many ups and downs and reinvented myself so many times that I can't keep track of how many personal revolutions I have gone through. I've grown my hair out, colored it, cut it, and than returned to growing it out. My weight has gone up dramatically and I have been fighting it, but I have finally decided to kick it in the butt and lose it. I've become less shy and more outgoing, more opinionated and more likely to stand up for myself. I am louder and stronger than I was two years ago and I tend to be more honest and open about how I feel or what I am thinking. There are things I am still selfconscious about (mainly my weight) but other aspects of my life I have gained extraordinary confidence. For once in my life I am confident about the path my life is taking, the career I have chosen and the friends I have, my family, and just about everything fits me and how I want to be. No one can say I am the same as I was two years ago. I was an emotionally needy clinger. Okay so I am still pretty emotional, but not about the same things. My independence has grown phenominally and I for the first time ever I actually LOVE who I am! Almost selfishly actually hahaha but considering I used to hate myself this is a great moment for me! I can recognize that I am a beautiful young woman and that I was born to be who I am.
Whether or not this version of me is accepted in general is a test of sorts with my friends and others I know. People are used to who I used to be, who I let myself be for them. I've stopped and now am living for me. It sounds selfish to say that, but my life is not something for others to make or stake a claim on. I have to live my life for me, if others want a part in it a compromise can be made or if their life is at the same beat and tempo as mine they can join in. But You can't match classical music with pop rock...it doesn't always mesh well.
I guess this whole "I AM ME...HERE ME ROAR!" statement is coming from a personal place. I have been told something lately that has started the wheels turning in my head. I didn't think that this would happen. I honestly thought I would be "Oh okay" and than just move on with my life. But...anticipation? Did not see it coming and didn't expect it to. I feel...flabberghasted almost and if I was an emoticon I would be this right now O_O....life certainly has changed me a lot and I look at things differently than i used to. They are rose colored glasses, but with a darker tint than one would think. Whatever happens though I am confident in myself.
Through all of this I have learned to love myself and to love life.
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