Could someone possibly just erase my memories for me? I don't know if it is the pain or what, but I can't seem to stop thinking about the past and how I ended up here. I just went and read each and every blog post on this blog and I watched the video I had posted. I went and read my journal and I let my mind wander down avenues I have refused to let it go in years. Of course none of this helps my mood any or even makes me feel better. The pain medicine isn't working too well right now and my elbow and wrist are killing me. I have tried to sleep but I can't comfortably do it....so that leaves my mind to wander free.
I have looked back on my life more in the past few days than I have in years. I have enver felt any need to or want to, but lately I have had this urge to look in the dark shadows of my life and shine light into places where light has never been. I got told today that I was made of pure gold. Golden....the first time I heard that word was when the missionaries where leaving and Joy told them that they struck pure gold. To this day I still don't know if that is really who I am. Truth is I don't know who I am at all...with friends I am this bright vibrant person (apparently) btu most of the time I feel worn down and tired. Everyone sees this young woman full of faith and strong in her opinions. Someone they can trust and count on to be there. I guess that is a part of who I am, but I still don't really know me at all.
Normally I can figure people out really easy, but for some reason I just can't figure myself out. Half the time I don't even know what is going on in my own head!
I wish someone could help find me.
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