I miss Him

*Disclaimer* This Post is NOT about Colton...just a heads up for all of you who read this blog. Especially since most of you know me I just want to once again stress the fact that it is NOT about Colton...it is about someone else. *End Disclaimer*

I miss him...not just a simple "haven't seen him in a few days" miss him, but more like a "every second apart is like an eternity" miss him. I remember everything about him, from the way he smelt to the way his voice sounded when he would whisper in my ear. I remember the way he would hold me and how he would always say "five more minutes" even though we both knew it would be more than five minutes before either of us would let go. I miss falling asleep to the sound of his voice on the phone and I miss how he would sing our song to me whenever we were really missing each other. I miss how much we talked when we were apart and how quite we were when we were together. How his eyes would always find mine from across the room and he would wiggle his eyebrows at me and smile that crooked smile. I miss planning our trip to Ireland and comparing each movie to our future lives. I miss the way he made me feel when we were together, how we would run into each other's arms as soon as we left our own individual cars. Each reunion was a sweet as the last, and it always felt like it was our first. Now we didn't do anything immoral, but those silent moments together in that hugging embrace are something that can never be forgotten. He was always so careful with me, always making sure I wouldn't trip or that he would be the first to face any unknown danger. The first time we held hands we went on a walk around the reservoir...that was the first night he vocally brought up his feelings. He told me he thought our wedding colors should be blue and green instead of yellow and green. We were both so happy that night and so reluctant to let go.
I remember the first time he told me he loved me and when he asked me to wait for him, it was funny because we were watching Colton ask Jenny if she would be his girlfriend and I was looking at them when he turned to me and asked me to wait. I hadn't been expecting that at all, but I couldn't have been happier. We were planning on getting married a year after he got home and we even had kid's names picked out. Well one of them anyways. We were going to name our girl Sariah. We had prayed and both felt right about it and so we planned. I remember going to Box Wash with him and he showed me places and took me places I would have never been on my own. He even wrote a song for me and a poem about us. We shared everything with each other and about each other. Yes at times we did fight but it was because he had to hide from his parents our relationship. I hated not being able to be with him in public...yes we were together in public but you wouldn't know we were more than plain old friends. We would fight about that and I would get mad because I never felt like he felt the same, I should have known then that he didn't show affection like I did and do because he just wasn't ready to, and he was preparing for a mission. Even after all this time I still care for him deeply and even on the same level as back than.
When he broke things off he asked if he could look me up when he gets home. Before he left he asked me to write him. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be back in our hometown before he got home and the ironic thing is that I will most likely still be here when he gets home. I don't know what the future brings and I don't know what I am going to do, but all I know is that we were brought together some years ago by chance and no matter how hard I try to get away I keep getting brought back. Maybe Barbara was right in saying that He and I aren't done yet....that things won't get figured out until he gets home.

Only Heavenly Father knows and all I can do is put my trust in Him.