Maybe it's Time

I had a long discussion today with my mom and it made me think a whole lot...which is why I ended up pulling another all nighter...well that and this awesome movie called Frequency...anyways she and I discussed me moving out here to Nevada and what not and steps to helping me get better.

I have been suffering people and it is a physical and emotional illness that can affect my mental state. It has been getting worse and worse and I am scared. My mom works with the Nevada Mental Health District as a Medical Technician so she sees people with the same illness and she helps treat them. I am not sure completely about everything that she said, but I am seriously considering going along with it because if I don't do something soon I could very well be on my way to hospitilization. Don't freak out or anything because it isn't too serious right now.

I am worried though because part of me getting better will be me creating a barrier of sorts between me and any kind of outside influence...which can include friends, family, and other things...like religion...that is the part I am conflicted with. I wouldn't be going to any church at all during this time and I wouldn't go to any activities or be able to recieve any callings. Talking with friends would be generic and plain like only tlaking about school basics and basics of my life without delving into deep subjects.

A part of me is scared to do this and worried about cutting myself off from everyone, but the other part of me knows that I need to do this in order to get better. Also I know that if I do something like this that the chances of me going on a mission will be slim to none. I would essentially be cutting myself off spiritually in order for the rest of me to get better...idk how to put it because my words aren't coming out right. I KNOW the church is true and NOTHING will ever change that.

I know what I have to do...I just don't know how I am going to do it. Gonna see if my mom will let me take the buick for a drive tomorrow. I need to get out of the house and do some thinking.