Tonight reminded me of how I felt a year ago. I was living in Provo and I was miserable even though I really didn't have a reason to be. I just wanted to start over somewhere where no one knew me or knew how to find me. I packed my things in the car and was heading North towards Idaho and than from there I had no idea where I was going to go. I just figured I would stop when I got into some quaint mountain town or something and than live there.
Those feelings came back to me tonight. I see myself stuck in this Valley and while I have good reasons to stay, I feel trapped. I was sitting at the reservoir near my house and I was just listening to the crickets and the feeling the light breeze on me and I thought "Man this is what I want" I want some place quiet and cut off from the world. Some place where I don't have to worry about people or the stresses of life. I want to be the author who lives a secluded life on some quiet lake in a cabin writing and drinking a cup of tea. Sure I would get visits form my family and I would visit them, but outside of the occasional one I would have solitude. Now for those who know me, they might be shocked that this social butterfly would be rejecting society in the social sense, but in reality I am content by myself and I don't need frequent social calls to make me feel happy. I do though know that I would miss the companionship that Robert provides, as well as, Zach and yes...even Katie. If I could take them with me (providing they would come) I would in a heartbeat.
Sometimes I feel like Robert and I are the opposite sides of a coin but at the same time we are the same side. I don't see him as much with school and work now, but we talk everyday. It just isn't the same as when I am with him in person. I love him and I am constantly astounded by his love for me. I honestly don't know how I got him or how he even fell in love with me! I smile all the time when I think of him and seeing him makes me smile inside. My word when he kisses me I feel like I am going to burst into flame! I am happy.
Oh right! Ultimate tonight was pretty fun. I showed up and there were a TON of people there and so I walked up and noticed Breanna sitting on the sidelines so I sat with her. We both weren't playing because with that many people we never get passed to so we figured we would wait til people left. It was fun just sitting and talking with her and musing over who was there. I haven't really talked to her in awhile and it was fantastic just goofing off with her! When we started to play we came up with these weird animal calls we would send to each other to let each other know we were open. She did this weird Ostrich call and I would go "CA CAW" and even flap my arms a bit. Everyone looked at us like we were on something, but I think they were just jealous they couldn't pull it off as cool as we did! I did enjoy myself tonight and I even managed to be civil with Charlie (who BTW has recently apologized for his behavior of late). Overall it wasn't a bad night. I got to see Robert and Zach and I was sad to leave them, but they both had things to do. I even got to eat dinner with my family tonight! HUZZAH!
School is going well although I am starting to realize that people in general are a lot dumber than I originally believed. Maybe it's just that I have a higher intelligence (yes people I am actually smarter than I appear...graduated high school with HONORS), but I am beginning to think that the de-evolution of humanity is really starting to show. I am enjoying what I am learning though and I am learning quite well to not give incredulous looks when someone says something completely idiotic. My eye still twitches though, but I don't really believe that can be helped.
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