I will not be posting for a week due to the fact that I will be in California attending the funeral services of my Uncle Danny. He passed away this past tuesday and we are all deeply affected by it. He left behind a wife and three kids, and we all miss him so much.
This loss is felt by us all, he was there for all of my life and was always the life of the party. Laughter was always around him and it was hard not to smile when near him. His wife and children loved him dearly and the rest of the family loved him as well. Uncle Danny was truly loved and will never be forgotten. I thank Heavenly Father for giving Uncle Danny to me and for letting us be a family here on Earth. I look forward to seeing him again and I am so greatful for the knowledge that he is with Heavenly Father and with Grandpa watching down over us.
We love you Uncle Danny and I hope you know how much you will be and are missed.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wanna Pet My Wookie?
....no.
BAHAHAHA Tonight was a Star Wars evening with two of my best friends...ROBERT and ZACH!!! HUZZAH! We watched Episode III at Zach's house and I have to say that even though it has the best duels in it (lightsaber) that Anakin is kinda a bitch the entire time...I mean seriously....he bugs me in this movie, but whatever because he becomes DARTH VADER and we all know Vader kicks serious trash all over that galaxy. It was interesting because before the movie we were discussing who would win...Eragon or Obi Wan. Yeah I know...two different genres...but if you think about it both are pretty badass characters and TECHNICALLY Obi Wan does take down Anakin and is the reason he sounds asthmatic....BUUUUUT Eragon can basically do what Obi Wan can do....and he has a dragon, but whatever he does do it drains him so there is a disadvantage. We all agreed though that it would be an interesting fight.
Yes people this is in fact what my friends and I do...nerdy and probably boring to most...but we have fun and we enjoy it. Most of the time we have perverted conversations, but sometimes we get deep...real deep....*snicker* ANYWAYS it was fun because Zach and I showed up unexpectedly at Robert's house and Zach had this HUGE bag of animal cracker cookies and Robert's dad was giving crap for eating them, but that didn't stop us on our animal cracker massacre. When we got to his house (zach's) his mom was driving up and zach was purposefully walking slow in front of her car and than as she passed he threw animal crackers at her car. It was hilarious and pretty funny because all she heard was them hitting the window and didn't know what it was and when she found out she was like "Don't you go wasting my crackers!" I LOVE Sister Brough!
Overall tonight was pretty genious and I had a blast. We all definitely need to hang out more!
BAHAHAHA Tonight was a Star Wars evening with two of my best friends...ROBERT and ZACH!!! HUZZAH! We watched Episode III at Zach's house and I have to say that even though it has the best duels in it (lightsaber) that Anakin is kinda a bitch the entire time...I mean seriously....he bugs me in this movie, but whatever because he becomes DARTH VADER and we all know Vader kicks serious trash all over that galaxy. It was interesting because before the movie we were discussing who would win...Eragon or Obi Wan. Yeah I know...two different genres...but if you think about it both are pretty badass characters and TECHNICALLY Obi Wan does take down Anakin and is the reason he sounds asthmatic....BUUUUUT Eragon can basically do what Obi Wan can do....and he has a dragon, but whatever he does do it drains him so there is a disadvantage. We all agreed though that it would be an interesting fight.
Yes people this is in fact what my friends and I do...nerdy and probably boring to most...but we have fun and we enjoy it. Most of the time we have perverted conversations, but sometimes we get deep...real deep....*snicker* ANYWAYS it was fun because Zach and I showed up unexpectedly at Robert's house and Zach had this HUGE bag of animal cracker cookies and Robert's dad was giving crap for eating them, but that didn't stop us on our animal cracker massacre. When we got to his house (zach's) his mom was driving up and zach was purposefully walking slow in front of her car and than as she passed he threw animal crackers at her car. It was hilarious and pretty funny because all she heard was them hitting the window and didn't know what it was and when she found out she was like "Don't you go wasting my crackers!" I LOVE Sister Brough!
Overall tonight was pretty genious and I had a blast. We all definitely need to hang out more!
Ownage
I totally OWNED my Psychology presentation on Saturday. I got an A!!!!! Yeah my group took longer than thirty minutes, but when you are presenting on the entirety on Clinical Psychology you are not going to take just a mere thirty minutes. My part alone had to have been like 15 hahaha I was talking forever about different therapies. Dr. Lopez loved our presentation and had many good things to say about it AAAAAND the only questions asked to my group where directed towards me. SUCK ON THAT!!! I answered them with ease and than BAM we found out we got an A. She even came over to us and congratulated us on doing a good job! The group after us presented on Autism...I was dissapointed by their lack of information beyond risks, causes, and symptoms. Seriously they could have done way way waaaaaaay more with it but nooooooo they didn't. Oh well tis life I suppose. My critique is not going to be pleasant though. I found out I got a B on the history exam i took....not very impressive but I did lack in studying so that is where the problem lies. I probably should study more for these tests because I got a B on my Sociology one too....pfft sick...imagine the grade I would get if I actually studied? HAHAHA
Saturday was the last time I will EVER eat a Large meal at Fatburger. Seriously....Robert and I each ordered one and we were both DYING in my car after..I mean seriously we both were stuffed! But it was worth it because...well...it's Fatburger and no matter if it killed us last time, we are going to keep going there! We also went to the WEST FEST in Henderson because his friend was running a booth there and we got Vendor passes. It wasn't as impressive as the Clark County Fair, but than again I can't really complain since I got in for free! I got to pan for gold and I actually got to see a machine Robert has worked on for his friend. Also i found out these cheap earrings I bought at the CC Fair like a couple years ago have titanium in them! BAM! hahaha there was this really cool machine and it can tell you what things are made out of! I was very impressed. It was so random because on our way home we stopped at the Home Depot and we saw Oliver's dad! hahaha Raaaaandooooom! It was cool though and pretty epic.
Saturday was the last time I will EVER eat a Large meal at Fatburger. Seriously....Robert and I each ordered one and we were both DYING in my car after..I mean seriously we both were stuffed! But it was worth it because...well...it's Fatburger and no matter if it killed us last time, we are going to keep going there! We also went to the WEST FEST in Henderson because his friend was running a booth there and we got Vendor passes. It wasn't as impressive as the Clark County Fair, but than again I can't really complain since I got in for free! I got to pan for gold and I actually got to see a machine Robert has worked on for his friend. Also i found out these cheap earrings I bought at the CC Fair like a couple years ago have titanium in them! BAM! hahaha there was this really cool machine and it can tell you what things are made out of! I was very impressed. It was so random because on our way home we stopped at the Home Depot and we saw Oliver's dad! hahaha Raaaaandooooom! It was cool though and pretty epic.
Sex and 50 Nuggets
Tonight at work a guy came through drive thru and ordered 50 nuggets. Now normally that isn't a big deal but how it all went down totally made my evening. He rolls up to the window and hands me the money he owed and as he is handing it to me he said something about putting the final touch on his evening and how it was going to be a long one. I didn't really do anything except take his money, but when I was handing him his change back i noticed that in the front seat he had a NEW box of condoms and a few newly purchased lubes.
O_o
All I could think of was "Oh my WORD! His long evening includes condoms, lubes, and FIFTY NUGGETS?!"
What in the french toast?! I mean....all I can picture is him lying on this bed of nuggets like that scene from American Beauty...except of rose petals its nuggets! BAHAHAHAHA I mean....who sexes someone up and than eats nuggets before, during, or after?
He is my hero!
O_o
All I could think of was "Oh my WORD! His long evening includes condoms, lubes, and FIFTY NUGGETS?!"
What in the french toast?! I mean....all I can picture is him lying on this bed of nuggets like that scene from American Beauty...except of rose petals its nuggets! BAHAHAHAHA I mean....who sexes someone up and than eats nuggets before, during, or after?
He is my hero!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Four and a Half
Months...four and a half months....that's all I have before he gets here. The villian of my dreams, the first guy who made me believe in love, the one who got me to open and trust...he comes home...to my valley...in four and a half months. I didn't think much of it, but last night I had a dream where I CHEATED ON ROBERT WITH HIM....it was just a dream...but I woke up feeling guilty. I normally don't feel anything after waking up, but I had to convince myself that it was a dream. Robert had his own saucy dream where he cheated on me which was weird that our dreams kinda linked up in the same night but yeah anyways back to my dilemma. I am pretty sure nothing is going to happen when he gets home. No I KNOW nothing will happen when he gets home....BUUUUUUUT something keeps nagging me telling me that I just might be wrong. Normally I don't really listen to that nagging voice, but something keeps giving me the feeling that I should. It's weird because I haven't really payed him any mind and now that we are just a few short months (which btw time has been FLYING!) away from a reunion....I am just not sure how I feel about that. I mean we were tight before he left. We talked everyday and we wrote for a bit and than no communication really, but I know its going to be hard to not talk to him again like we used to. I mean we talked about everything and anything and it was basically all day too. I told him about Robert and I dating and I have written every once in awhile giving an update and stuff on things going down. Part of me doesn't want to fully let go, but a big part of me is investing myself into the relationship I have with Robert. I know four months is a "long time" but in reality it isn't. I mean it's been two years and I look back on it and think "where did the time go?" The next four months are going to be interesting. If only I could get a letter or something to at least know what he is thinking. That is what makes this all such a stupid situation.
Oh and my mom says that our dreams just mean we need to get it done with because apparently we are just too sexually frustrated bahahahahaha....so she gave us the greenlight to have sex....wtf? I am not a mom or anything but I am pretty sure that is NOT in the Mom Handbook and is probably on the list of "do not allow" but whatever!
Oh and my mom says that our dreams just mean we need to get it done with because apparently we are just too sexually frustrated bahahahahaha....so she gave us the greenlight to have sex....wtf? I am not a mom or anything but I am pretty sure that is NOT in the Mom Handbook and is probably on the list of "do not allow" but whatever!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Making Mountains out of Molehills
I was sitting in my Drive Thru window (and yes people I am completely convinced it is mine) thinking and contemplating my situation and I realized it really isn't as bad as I thought it was. Classic case of a molehill being made into a mountain. I had the paranoid delusion that the world was taking sides and forcing me to choose what I want for my life all at the same time. One problem became linked to all these other situations in my mind and I just got overwhelmed with it all. I didn't want to think or to choose or to decide, mainly because I despise confrontation and for all my dreaming and scheming I really don't put much stock into the future. Yes this is what I spend my working hours (all 8 of them) thinking about. What am I supposed to do? Work? Pfft...that takes two brain cells TOPS. No I spend my time working my frustrations out on the dishes and thinking about my problems.
This is what I decided. I really am not in that bad of a place as I thought. My feelings have ALL been a bit mixed lately and with the anger I felt this summer I have been bad and held onto that. I just need to let go of everything and start anew and with an open mind (but not so open my brain falls out). I am going to take sometime and see where I stand. I am going to actually go to church and see how I feel about it. Now I am not going to go once and decide from there. I am actually going to go for two months straight and at the end I will see where I stand. Some of you might just cringe at this decision and ask "why wait?" The truth is that I don't know the truth. I don't know how I feel about any of this. I know that a big part of me wants to leave, but there is enough of me still here that wants me to stay. I may not like most of the people out here in the valley and how they can be elitist bastards (we all know its true), but I do believe in a lot of the doctrine and principles that are taught. (I totally just saw in my head my mom's eye twitching) I know a lot of people don't understand and don't like the church. Yes I know that I myself scoff at how people act and some behaviors that are expected of me, but it doesn't mean I can't be who I am and be LDS. Yes I get it...I really am not one to be a caged animal. I end up being like those sharks in aquariums who just kinda keep swimming into the sides or slowly whither away into nothingness when caged. There are A LOT of rules and standards and I will be the first to admit I will most likely never meet them all, which is sad but at least I am not running around pretending I am perfect.
I do strongly want to leave, but I am giving it a second chance. I am making sure that I am absolutely 100% positive that what my final decision is....well 100% what I want. This is something I ulitmately have to do on my own and decide for myself. Decisions like this take TIME. They don't just get rushed. I don't want to back out only to want back in a few years down the road. It would mean I did all of this and went through all of this for nothing. Some people might call me indecisive and some will be really unhappy with me, but please understand that I do want what is best for me and I really do want to make sure I have everything covered before making a final move.
So many people support me and love me and I know that no matter what I will always have someone there for me. Today I don't feel so lost anymore, I don't feel so empty. I feel a sense of fulfillment, like I am on the right track to discovering something. I can't promise one thing or another about my final decision, but all I do know is that I feel good about my current course and to me that is all that matters right now.
This is what I decided. I really am not in that bad of a place as I thought. My feelings have ALL been a bit mixed lately and with the anger I felt this summer I have been bad and held onto that. I just need to let go of everything and start anew and with an open mind (but not so open my brain falls out). I am going to take sometime and see where I stand. I am going to actually go to church and see how I feel about it. Now I am not going to go once and decide from there. I am actually going to go for two months straight and at the end I will see where I stand. Some of you might just cringe at this decision and ask "why wait?" The truth is that I don't know the truth. I don't know how I feel about any of this. I know that a big part of me wants to leave, but there is enough of me still here that wants me to stay. I may not like most of the people out here in the valley and how they can be elitist bastards (we all know its true), but I do believe in a lot of the doctrine and principles that are taught. (I totally just saw in my head my mom's eye twitching) I know a lot of people don't understand and don't like the church. Yes I know that I myself scoff at how people act and some behaviors that are expected of me, but it doesn't mean I can't be who I am and be LDS. Yes I get it...I really am not one to be a caged animal. I end up being like those sharks in aquariums who just kinda keep swimming into the sides or slowly whither away into nothingness when caged. There are A LOT of rules and standards and I will be the first to admit I will most likely never meet them all, which is sad but at least I am not running around pretending I am perfect.
I do strongly want to leave, but I am giving it a second chance. I am making sure that I am absolutely 100% positive that what my final decision is....well 100% what I want. This is something I ulitmately have to do on my own and decide for myself. Decisions like this take TIME. They don't just get rushed. I don't want to back out only to want back in a few years down the road. It would mean I did all of this and went through all of this for nothing. Some people might call me indecisive and some will be really unhappy with me, but please understand that I do want what is best for me and I really do want to make sure I have everything covered before making a final move.
So many people support me and love me and I know that no matter what I will always have someone there for me. Today I don't feel so lost anymore, I don't feel so empty. I feel a sense of fulfillment, like I am on the right track to discovering something. I can't promise one thing or another about my final decision, but all I do know is that I feel good about my current course and to me that is all that matters right now.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Bending Before I Break
I don't want my problems to become everyone's....so...they win. I will go and do the minimum. I won't pretend I want to be there or that I evne care anymore, but it will be easier than seeing those around me suffer. I would rather suffer myself than to subject others to deal with it. Don't be surprised though if I take off in a few months or so because I won't be able to be out here long without breaking. I did tonight. I was bawling my eyes out as I told Robert everything was okay and that I wasn't emotional about anything we talked about. I told my parents I was fine and that I would do this for a bit and see what happens. Meanwhile inside I was dying. I am a beaten animal people. Resigned to the life that is set up for me. I refuse though to change what I have done because I do not regret any of my actions. It is not for them to decide that I am anything less than what I am just because I may have broken a rule or two. I may be playing nice but it isn't going to last long.
Latley I feel like....empty.
Latley I feel like....empty.
The Cryings of My Soul
I got a call from someone today that really just....I don't know whether to be flattered they called or to be upset that someone had them call me. I get it. I should come back, but the problem is....what if I don't necessarily want to? See if I did I would try ti fly under the radar, just get in get out and be done, but I know deep down that that isn't going to happen for me. I can't get away with just the minimum. No one will let me. Also I am not really sure I want to. My being there would be a lie. I would be saying I feel the same when in actuality I do not. How am I supposed to reslove this situation when I have multiple people (all within one week) reaching out to me and asking me to come back? I can't avoid them for the rest of my life. I can't just sit and do nothing because it is only going to progress into this big monster of a situation and I don't necessarily want that to happen.
I have stress headaches all the time. I cry all the time and I have a huge loss in appetite which is unusual since I normally eat three times a day...i am now only eating once because I just am not hungry anymore. I don't sleep and what rest i do get is extremely fitful. I have cleaned and rearranged my room and I am slowly making my way to my car. Sure yeah those things need to be cleaned, but when i get almost OCD about the cleaning there is a problem. I am irritable at work and I have almost no attention span anymore. My temper is increasing and I hardly joke like i used to. I am barely surviving people and it isn't because I haven't been going to church. This stress started when people started pressuring me to come back!!! I was FINE not going. I was doing my own thing and I was living. Now I just...I feel like some numerical statistic. Like why is it such a big deal if I don't go? It's almost like their whole lives will fall apart if I don't show up.
I just am really conflicted.
I have stress headaches all the time. I cry all the time and I have a huge loss in appetite which is unusual since I normally eat three times a day...i am now only eating once because I just am not hungry anymore. I don't sleep and what rest i do get is extremely fitful. I have cleaned and rearranged my room and I am slowly making my way to my car. Sure yeah those things need to be cleaned, but when i get almost OCD about the cleaning there is a problem. I am irritable at work and I have almost no attention span anymore. My temper is increasing and I hardly joke like i used to. I am barely surviving people and it isn't because I haven't been going to church. This stress started when people started pressuring me to come back!!! I was FINE not going. I was doing my own thing and I was living. Now I just...I feel like some numerical statistic. Like why is it such a big deal if I don't go? It's almost like their whole lives will fall apart if I don't show up.
I just am really conflicted.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Would You Light My Candle?
So on saturday I wore an outfit I wouldn't normally wear to school that consisted of boots, leggings, and a dress/ shirt (one of those you can wear as a SHORT dress or a shirt). I wore over it a nice jacket and that was that. I was pretty selfconscious about it because I normally do not wear clothing that accentuates parts of my body and this showed off my legs and pretty much I felt everything else, but who knows? Anyways i was in class and my group partner was looking at my legs DURING class...just sitting there...staring...at my legs. And at one point I got up to walk to the front to get a paper and the guy behind me said "Lord help me." When I turned around he looked down at his paper quickly...There could be something here people!
OH! and before we headed home Robert and I stopped to get gas and I was walking in to get gas and this moving van is driving up and than they drive ALL THE WAY AROUND THE PUMPS when they could have parked at the pump they first drove up too but noooooo they had to park at the farthest one and watch me walk into the gas station...when I was walking out they were following me with their heads and eyes and I felt kind of violated and awkward. I guess most people would be like "HUZZAH! I am hot!" but I just felt really weird and I kept wondering why I was getting attention. (Helloooooo low sefl esteem!)
Robert was wearing jeans on saturday and I was like "Lord have mercy!" hahaha but of course I said that in my head. The man can wear a pair of jeans....that is all I have to say about that. ;)
OH! and before we headed home Robert and I stopped to get gas and I was walking in to get gas and this moving van is driving up and than they drive ALL THE WAY AROUND THE PUMPS when they could have parked at the pump they first drove up too but noooooo they had to park at the farthest one and watch me walk into the gas station...when I was walking out they were following me with their heads and eyes and I felt kind of violated and awkward. I guess most people would be like "HUZZAH! I am hot!" but I just felt really weird and I kept wondering why I was getting attention. (Helloooooo low sefl esteem!)
Robert was wearing jeans on saturday and I was like "Lord have mercy!" hahaha but of course I said that in my head. The man can wear a pair of jeans....that is all I have to say about that. ;)
Under Pressure
I now know what pimples and zits feel like when they get squeezed and squeezed until they pop. Yeah pretty graphic, but that is how I have been feeling lately. I have been trying to just sit idly by and be as unnoticed as possible in something and today just made me realize that the popping of the Nadia Zit is commencing.
I got a phone call today from someone looking for me because they haven't seen me somewhere in awhile. I haven't been to this one place in about...hmmm...maybe four months or so? And apparently I am greatly missed and that people are "concerned". WTF? I am still alive and I have seen people so they KNOW I am doing okay. Doesn't everyone know I am at school or at work these days? Sheesh. But anyways I get home and I tell my parents about the phone call and they start telling me about how to make those calls stop. They even offered (well my stepdad did) to write a letter for me. Needless to say I burst out crying and left the room.
All this stress is wigging me out so I decided to rearrange my room and TADA I have sooo much more space in here now! I mean seriously my room looks a whole lot bigger hahaha and all I did was move the bed and the dresser! But now I have room to workout in here as well as have my sewing machine! I am pretty excited about it and I feel really accomplished! OMG I hear an OWL outside of my room. Who the fudge knew Owls were in Nevada?! I mean we do have turkeys and a beaver so why not I guess! LOL
Anyways though I have been pretty depressed lately about my situation. I don't know what to do or what would be right. No matter what I decide there are a lot of people who are going to get hurt and I can't and don't want to be responsible for anyone being hurt, but I know that I can't just continue to do nothing for very much longer. Eventually all this pressure will build up to where it will push me to decide. The problem is I don't really know which direction to go. On the one hand I have a lot more doors open to me if I choose to stay, but on the other hand I won't have to deal with the drama that occured this past summer. IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK about anything. Can I just crawl under a rock and disappear?
I got a phone call today from someone looking for me because they haven't seen me somewhere in awhile. I haven't been to this one place in about...hmmm...maybe four months or so? And apparently I am greatly missed and that people are "concerned". WTF? I am still alive and I have seen people so they KNOW I am doing okay. Doesn't everyone know I am at school or at work these days? Sheesh. But anyways I get home and I tell my parents about the phone call and they start telling me about how to make those calls stop. They even offered (well my stepdad did) to write a letter for me. Needless to say I burst out crying and left the room.
All this stress is wigging me out so I decided to rearrange my room and TADA I have sooo much more space in here now! I mean seriously my room looks a whole lot bigger hahaha and all I did was move the bed and the dresser! But now I have room to workout in here as well as have my sewing machine! I am pretty excited about it and I feel really accomplished! OMG I hear an OWL outside of my room. Who the fudge knew Owls were in Nevada?! I mean we do have turkeys and a beaver so why not I guess! LOL
Anyways though I have been pretty depressed lately about my situation. I don't know what to do or what would be right. No matter what I decide there are a lot of people who are going to get hurt and I can't and don't want to be responsible for anyone being hurt, but I know that I can't just continue to do nothing for very much longer. Eventually all this pressure will build up to where it will push me to decide. The problem is I don't really know which direction to go. On the one hand I have a lot more doors open to me if I choose to stay, but on the other hand I won't have to deal with the drama that occured this past summer. IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK IDK about anything. Can I just crawl under a rock and disappear?
Friday, October 8, 2010
My wig of wigginess!
Sharing My Insecurities.
As of right now I weigh 190 lbs. At least that is what my scale tells me...and we are currently no longer speaking. This is how the conversation went.
Me- "What the fudge? Last time I checked I was so NOT this weight!"
Scale-"Well maybe if you visited more often you would have seen it sooner."
Me- "Dude I totally checked like....okay so maybe it's been awhile....whatever"
Scale-"Perhaps you have been snacking on too many chicken nuggets?"
Me-"Psssh no...I haven't had those in forever...and besides i have been eating healthier at work. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!"
Scale- "I don't know but please get off....you are hurting my back."
At that moment I promptly stepped off the scale, flipped it off and than proceeded to eat a chocolate square from the box of chocolates my mom got me for my birthday. Not very mature, but whatever. I have been reflecting on this past month and how I managed to gain ten pounds since August. I have come to the conclusion that between stress at work, stress with finances, and just stress all around has prompted me to begin with my comfort snacking again...I have worked hard all year to maintain my 180 lbs of weight and I have been doing well, but in times of stress (or when my holding it back gets to be too much) I begin to eat in some weird self soothing type of way. It isn't very healthy for me but ooooh man is it good eating! I managed to hold back this summer from overeating when I stressed, but lately I have noticed I tend to become cookie monster when he sees a plate of cookies. I "NOM NOM NOM" on things and than after I am like "Why the hell did I just do that?" Not being bulimic or anorexic, I don't really have a way to get rid of whatever it was I just scarfed down. See the predicament I am in? Of course you might be saying "Well why doesn't she just not overeat?" Yeah might as well tell me to not breathe while I am at it. Habits are hard to break....especially when they are life long habits. My overeating stems from when I was younger and living with my dad. When things were stressful or I felt alone, I turned to food. I mean I could be found at any time of the day with food somehow within reach of me...even in class I would be munching on something. I have a serious gum addiction because chewing gum tends to prevent me from eating since it is a hassle to spit it out and then replace it....anyways....as I got older life got more stressful and I gained a TON of weight in my early high school years and the last couple of years I hit my peak at 197 lbs. I vowed if I hit 200 I would die of shame and embarassment and would most likely eat myself into a food coma.
So now here I am 10 lbs away from my food coma vow and what am I doing? I AM WORKING OUT! That is right...I am actually working out. I have a goal and I am as determined as hell to reach it. I have never thought I would be a perfect 10. I KNOW I am not going to have the "perfect" body, but it would be nice to get into size 9 jeans you know? Hell even an 8! I am tired of sitting down and protruding outwardly. I don't want to feel awkward in a bathing suit and I don't want to feel like I need to have my arms covering my stomach or feel the need to try and pull my shirt down to cover my thighs. I know that how we view ourselves comes from within, and I will be the first to admit that I don't find myself all that pretty. The fact that I have managed to get a boyfriend baffles me everyday! I have NEVER really seen myself as a beautiful creature gracing this Earth. Yeah sure, I may be good looking, but I have never seen myself as beautiful. I have always ahted shopping because I can never find cute clothing that fits my style AND fits me. If you see my wardrobe it consists of jeans and t-shirts...not only because those are my favorite clothes, but also because they are the easiest things to find in my size and that fit me the way I like.
I put off an air of confidence and I am confident in my self as in my personality, but when it comes to my image? I suffer greatly in confidence and self-esteem. I have never thought I was really worth anything when it came to looks, so I developed this personality filled with sarcasm and biting wit. I hide a lot from those around me and I don't really share what I feel. It HURTS when I hear the guys around me talk about girls they find attractive because I see the girls and I look at myself and I think "My god....I am like....two of her!" or "Well....she looks like Barbie and I friggin look like one of the guys!" Robert and Zach were looking at Halloween costumes and I will say I don't know what they were really talking about but Robert pointed out two different costumes and I looked and the women wearing them were actually really pretty and they had legs that never ended....anyways I got upset because I thought to myself "Well that's something you'll never be." Now Robert and Zach didn't say or imply anything....that thought was ALL ME....but I left in a hurry because I didn't want them to see me about to cry. When I say I struggle I mean it. It isn't a simple thing for me to just type this for the world of internet to read. Most won't understand, and some will kind of get it, and for the few that completely understand me....you aren't alone!
I will be posting up my achievements and anecdotes of this journey I am taking. I know it won't be easy and I know I am probably going to fail at times, but I know that the change I seek starts and ends with me. If I stick to it and remain upbeat I know that things will change and for the better.
Me- "What the fudge? Last time I checked I was so NOT this weight!"
Scale-"Well maybe if you visited more often you would have seen it sooner."
Me- "Dude I totally checked like....okay so maybe it's been awhile....whatever"
Scale-"Perhaps you have been snacking on too many chicken nuggets?"
Me-"Psssh no...I haven't had those in forever...and besides i have been eating healthier at work. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!"
Scale- "I don't know but please get off....you are hurting my back."
At that moment I promptly stepped off the scale, flipped it off and than proceeded to eat a chocolate square from the box of chocolates my mom got me for my birthday. Not very mature, but whatever. I have been reflecting on this past month and how I managed to gain ten pounds since August. I have come to the conclusion that between stress at work, stress with finances, and just stress all around has prompted me to begin with my comfort snacking again...I have worked hard all year to maintain my 180 lbs of weight and I have been doing well, but in times of stress (or when my holding it back gets to be too much) I begin to eat in some weird self soothing type of way. It isn't very healthy for me but ooooh man is it good eating! I managed to hold back this summer from overeating when I stressed, but lately I have noticed I tend to become cookie monster when he sees a plate of cookies. I "NOM NOM NOM" on things and than after I am like "Why the hell did I just do that?" Not being bulimic or anorexic, I don't really have a way to get rid of whatever it was I just scarfed down. See the predicament I am in? Of course you might be saying "Well why doesn't she just not overeat?" Yeah might as well tell me to not breathe while I am at it. Habits are hard to break....especially when they are life long habits. My overeating stems from when I was younger and living with my dad. When things were stressful or I felt alone, I turned to food. I mean I could be found at any time of the day with food somehow within reach of me...even in class I would be munching on something. I have a serious gum addiction because chewing gum tends to prevent me from eating since it is a hassle to spit it out and then replace it....anyways....as I got older life got more stressful and I gained a TON of weight in my early high school years and the last couple of years I hit my peak at 197 lbs. I vowed if I hit 200 I would die of shame and embarassment and would most likely eat myself into a food coma.
So now here I am 10 lbs away from my food coma vow and what am I doing? I AM WORKING OUT! That is right...I am actually working out. I have a goal and I am as determined as hell to reach it. I have never thought I would be a perfect 10. I KNOW I am not going to have the "perfect" body, but it would be nice to get into size 9 jeans you know? Hell even an 8! I am tired of sitting down and protruding outwardly. I don't want to feel awkward in a bathing suit and I don't want to feel like I need to have my arms covering my stomach or feel the need to try and pull my shirt down to cover my thighs. I know that how we view ourselves comes from within, and I will be the first to admit that I don't find myself all that pretty. The fact that I have managed to get a boyfriend baffles me everyday! I have NEVER really seen myself as a beautiful creature gracing this Earth. Yeah sure, I may be good looking, but I have never seen myself as beautiful. I have always ahted shopping because I can never find cute clothing that fits my style AND fits me. If you see my wardrobe it consists of jeans and t-shirts...not only because those are my favorite clothes, but also because they are the easiest things to find in my size and that fit me the way I like.
I put off an air of confidence and I am confident in my self as in my personality, but when it comes to my image? I suffer greatly in confidence and self-esteem. I have never thought I was really worth anything when it came to looks, so I developed this personality filled with sarcasm and biting wit. I hide a lot from those around me and I don't really share what I feel. It HURTS when I hear the guys around me talk about girls they find attractive because I see the girls and I look at myself and I think "My god....I am like....two of her!" or "Well....she looks like Barbie and I friggin look like one of the guys!" Robert and Zach were looking at Halloween costumes and I will say I don't know what they were really talking about but Robert pointed out two different costumes and I looked and the women wearing them were actually really pretty and they had legs that never ended....anyways I got upset because I thought to myself "Well that's something you'll never be." Now Robert and Zach didn't say or imply anything....that thought was ALL ME....but I left in a hurry because I didn't want them to see me about to cry. When I say I struggle I mean it. It isn't a simple thing for me to just type this for the world of internet to read. Most won't understand, and some will kind of get it, and for the few that completely understand me....you aren't alone!
I will be posting up my achievements and anecdotes of this journey I am taking. I know it won't be easy and I know I am probably going to fail at times, but I know that the change I seek starts and ends with me. If I stick to it and remain upbeat I know that things will change and for the better.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Holy Meteor Shower Batman!
SO I got up this morning in order to run...and I made it to the end of my street when my run turned into a walk. Yeah I pretty much am out of shape hahaha BUT I am proud to say that I did walk, and rather exercisingly for an hour and than i came home. Yeah I am that awesome! I made sure I was getting an excercize and not just puttering around. I am going to be walking every morning and working out every evening. I have a goal and I AM going to reach it!
My mom resigned from her job which means things around here are going to be tight. Which kinda means that right now I can't go to JoAnn's fabrics like I really want to and get supplies. I know that I will be able to..I just have to figure something out before I make that decision. I am asking my mom if it would be easier financially for them if I wasn't living at home, using electiricity and all that. I could move out...it would be tight for me and poor man's living for the most part, but if it helps them out in some small way than I am able to do it. Of course that would mean my plans for moving out of the valley next summer will probably not happen, but whatever I would be out of my parent's house which is one step closer to my goal right? But who knows? My mom says it won't really make a difference so I dout I will be moving out.
My mom resigned from her job which means things around here are going to be tight. Which kinda means that right now I can't go to JoAnn's fabrics like I really want to and get supplies. I know that I will be able to..I just have to figure something out before I make that decision. I am asking my mom if it would be easier financially for them if I wasn't living at home, using electiricity and all that. I could move out...it would be tight for me and poor man's living for the most part, but if it helps them out in some small way than I am able to do it. Of course that would mean my plans for moving out of the valley next summer will probably not happen, but whatever I would be out of my parent's house which is one step closer to my goal right? But who knows? My mom says it won't really make a difference so I dout I will be moving out.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Frolicking Fields of Frolickiness
Seriously I need to find a place to frolick where interruptions by intruders are sooooo not happening. Yes people I need this place. Anyone know of one?
So I wrote this weird piece of poetry/ song that has actually been a bit of therapy for me on a lot of things. It in no way is actually how I feel now, but at one point I know that it did represent who I was. So without further ado here it is!
TURNING INTO YOU
You left me standing there with my heart torn into pieces.
He came and said " Don't cry, you deserve so much more than that guy."
He tried, so hard to mend my broken heart.
So I went and let him in, I thought we were over, but I know better.
He wants me, he needs me, but I can't let go of you.
I tried, almost died, now all I do is lie.
Don't want to destroy him, but in the end all I'll do is hurt him.
I'm turning into you.
I wake in the dark of night from a dream so deep and restless.
I'm shaking as I cry, wishing you were back by my side.
He tries, so hard, to ease my restless heart.
But I can't just let him in. I know that we're not over.
So I know better.
He wants me, he needs me, but I won't let go of you.
I tried, almost died, now done with all these lies.
Didn't want to destroy him, but in the end all I did was hurt him.
I've turned into you.
Yeah it is a bit rough, but I enjoyed writing it. I am also working on my book again... I have to get a memory stick in order to put all my work on it since it take up such a chunk of my computer memory! HAHAHAHA I know! Oddly enough my book helped me in ways that months and months of therapy never could. Of course I never did talk to anyone about what I went through during the time before I wrote the book, but those who know me know what I am talking about...okay actually mainly Barbara. Let me explain now. I was in a really commited relationship with this guy and he broke things off....I have actually written about him previously, but anyways I was in this really dark deep place after that, and of all the times I had inspiration to write and write I did! I mean I had my outline of my book down and a very very VERY rough rough draft of it done within a few weeks or so. I based my characters off of people (very loosely based) and situations. I tweaked a lot and added a lot, but essentially I was working through a lot of my thoughts and feelings and putting it down on paper. The result has been my book. I am changing character names though and some other things, but it is staying the same for the most part.
I believe writing is a form of therapy. The best books are the ones that make you feel like you are winning and losing with the characters. You feel their pain, and in fact the characters are their own entities, not just some random scribblings on a page! I feel better when I am writing for my characters, creating life for them and seeing them succeed and fail and grow. I personally put a bit of myself into each of my characters, they are my babies...even the "villains" are a part of me. I only hope that as I work on this and *fingers crossed* eventually get it published, that you all love them and enjoy my stories as much as I do!
So I wrote this weird piece of poetry/ song that has actually been a bit of therapy for me on a lot of things. It in no way is actually how I feel now, but at one point I know that it did represent who I was. So without further ado here it is!
TURNING INTO YOU
You left me standing there with my heart torn into pieces.
He came and said " Don't cry, you deserve so much more than that guy."
He tried, so hard to mend my broken heart.
So I went and let him in, I thought we were over, but I know better.
He wants me, he needs me, but I can't let go of you.
I tried, almost died, now all I do is lie.
Don't want to destroy him, but in the end all I'll do is hurt him.
I'm turning into you.
I wake in the dark of night from a dream so deep and restless.
I'm shaking as I cry, wishing you were back by my side.
He tries, so hard, to ease my restless heart.
But I can't just let him in. I know that we're not over.
So I know better.
He wants me, he needs me, but I won't let go of you.
I tried, almost died, now done with all these lies.
Didn't want to destroy him, but in the end all I did was hurt him.
I've turned into you.
Yeah it is a bit rough, but I enjoyed writing it. I am also working on my book again... I have to get a memory stick in order to put all my work on it since it take up such a chunk of my computer memory! HAHAHAHA I know! Oddly enough my book helped me in ways that months and months of therapy never could. Of course I never did talk to anyone about what I went through during the time before I wrote the book, but those who know me know what I am talking about...okay actually mainly Barbara. Let me explain now. I was in a really commited relationship with this guy and he broke things off....I have actually written about him previously, but anyways I was in this really dark deep place after that, and of all the times I had inspiration to write and write I did! I mean I had my outline of my book down and a very very VERY rough rough draft of it done within a few weeks or so. I based my characters off of people (very loosely based) and situations. I tweaked a lot and added a lot, but essentially I was working through a lot of my thoughts and feelings and putting it down on paper. The result has been my book. I am changing character names though and some other things, but it is staying the same for the most part.
I believe writing is a form of therapy. The best books are the ones that make you feel like you are winning and losing with the characters. You feel their pain, and in fact the characters are their own entities, not just some random scribblings on a page! I feel better when I am writing for my characters, creating life for them and seeing them succeed and fail and grow. I personally put a bit of myself into each of my characters, they are my babies...even the "villains" are a part of me. I only hope that as I work on this and *fingers crossed* eventually get it published, that you all love them and enjoy my stories as much as I do!
Don't you know that your toxic?
Lately I have been on a HUGE Britney Spears kick...like...mad props to Glee for renewing my love for the Spears, but than again I have always had a huge liking of her music and although I think that she may not be the nest rolemodel...she has kicking pipes and awesome songs skills. I mean I grew up with her and I still can jam to her stuff hahaha
ANYWAYS
Saturday I met Robert's cousins Eric and Kimberly. They are pretty much awesome hahaha Eric was in town celebrating his 21st birthday and so Robert and I went and met up with him, Kimberly, and his friend Scott. It was nice meeting them and I was glad Robert got to see his cousins!!!! After we met with them we rushed across town to Chili's to meet with my family and some friends for my birthday dinner! It was fun seeing everyone and being reunited with others! Here are some pics from the evening!
ANYWAYS
Saturday I met Robert's cousins Eric and Kimberly. They are pretty much awesome hahaha Eric was in town celebrating his 21st birthday and so Robert and I went and met up with him, Kimberly, and his friend Scott. It was nice meeting them and I was glad Robert got to see his cousins!!!! After we met with them we rushed across town to Chili's to meet with my family and some friends for my birthday dinner! It was fun seeing everyone and being reunited with others! Here are some pics from the evening!
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| The "adult" side of the table (l tor) GMA, Dad, Mom, Family Friends |
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| This kid was hardcore and told me which tequila was the best... |
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| Robert and I enjoying Chili's! |
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| Zach and Robert doing what they do lol |
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| My first (and only) drink. Strawberry Daquiri |
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| Sarah and Skye came! It was awesome seeing them! |
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| Two of the sibs...at least they didn't pull weird faces haha |
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| Reunited after like...two years! |
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| My meal! |
Life is going good and I have been enjoying myself. I thoroughly enjoyed saturday and I enjoyed a day off from work today although I did end up burning stove popped popcorn by leaving it on too long and now the whole house smells like my mistake hahaha I mean people were coming out from their rooms going "what is that burnt smell?" XD i should probably pay more attention next time! Oh and here is a list of my Birthday Bounty: Robert got me a car safety kit...which is actually quite charming and wonderful that he did that because quite frankly I needed one. My grandmother bought me a sewing machine! Now I can sew my own things!!!! My family bought me my own travel mug, some really nice body scrub and lotion. My mom has the same stuff and It makes me feel grown up! My sister Erica got me a picture of our two dogs sitting together...trust me I asked for it haha also she is trying to get me out to cali so she can take me to the Haunted Disneyland. Sarah got me a Birthday sash, light up ring and pin that says "I am the Party" and a crown! She knows me too well! BAHAHAHA
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Nadia est. 09/30/1989
So on September 30, 1989 yours truly was forcefully pushed into this world by my mother's uteral muscles....but before I bring out the diagram of how birthing works, we will cut to the cahse and explain this year's birthday.
*ahem*
I TURNED TWENTY ONE!
*huzzah*
yeah I woke up on my birthday at the crack of noon and was made eggs and toast by my wonderful stepfather Sal. It was delicious and made just how I like it! I than proceeded to do some laundry and than I prepared to go to work where I would be working the closing shift at McDonald's...yeah a fact I was not that please about, but what can you do? So i went to work, where almost everyone there gave me a hug and I was serenaded with a lovely chorus of "Happy Birthday" an dthan we all proceeded to smell the cake that had been bought for me. It was caramely goodness and we couldn't wait to eat it! Well work went pretty fast and was pretty busy, BUT I did manage to be surprised by some friends who stopped by and sang the birthday song to me again...in front of the entire restaurant...it was embarassing but well received. I clocked out and grabbed my cake and headed home...only to stop a few miles outside of Mesquite...traffic was literally stopped. When I rolled up the guy in front of me came over and informed me that he had been there stopped for half an hour already!
People I was in that spot FOR FOUR HOURS! For effing boring hours in which I got to observe drunk men air hump the guard rail, lots of people smoking, and even a trucker peeing! Needless to say I was very stressed out and over emotional when i got home at 5 in the AM when i should have been home by 1 am. Yeah I drove by the spot today and it had only taken me two minutes to get there today as opposed to the four hours yesterday. GAH! I am not really sure what happened, but it involved a big rig (18 wheeler) going over the side of a miniature cliff. Sad Day!
21 Things I have accomplished in 21 years:
1. Basic (and complex) motors functions (walking running etc)
2. Graduated high school and am in college
3. Learned how to drive and bought my own car
4. Lived on my own for a few months (and moved back to mommy hahaha but shh)
5. Earned FOUR varsity letters (Band, Colorguard, Golf, Swim)
6. Traveled out of country (France, Switzerland and Mexico)
7. Witnessed a sunset over an ocean
8. Taken a moonlight stroll with friends
9. Volunteered in an organization I can truly support (Miracle League)
10. Cut my own hair!
11. Performed on a stage and abroad (Thank you Encore! Also i was Zaneeta in the Music Man in middle school)
12. Went camping with just me and one other person..in a tent...with a fractured elbow
13. I Fractured my elbow...it was a minor fracture but still!
14. Got to say goodbye to my grandfather 5 minutes before he passed.
15. Seen enough of nature's beauty to know there is a God
16. I have found Faith and what it means to have it
17. I have loved and hurt for it, but I have learned what love is
18. I have gone parasailing
19. I have learned that there is ALWAYS something to smile about.
20. I have touched a shark
21. I have learned that I have a whole lot more to learn
21 Things I wish to accomplish in the next 21 years:
1. Get married...any takers ;)
2. Finish school...and work in a career that I went to school for
3. Have kids...not a ridiculous amount...but 5 would do.
4. Go to Ireland...and spend like a month (or longer) there
5. Watch the sunrise and the sunset in the same day.
6. Learn an instrument other than voice
7. Cook more
8. Never get another cavity
9. Keep at a healthy weight in proportion to my height and age (starting...NOW)
10. Never go a day without smiling
11. Better someone else's life by doing something completely selfless and unplanned
12. Learn and drive a motorcycle
13. Get a tattoo
14. Create something (other than a lifeform)
15. Develop superpowers (yes I CAN have that as a goal)
16. Go to Disneyland at LEAST once a year.
17. Maintain a close relationship with my family and friends
18. Finally burn that place to the ground (if you know what I am talking about....you know I will one day!)
19. Live to see this world turn for the better
20. Inspire hope and faith in others
21. Get busy living or get busy dying
That people is all for now. Goodnight!
*ahem*
I TURNED TWENTY ONE!
*huzzah*
yeah I woke up on my birthday at the crack of noon and was made eggs and toast by my wonderful stepfather Sal. It was delicious and made just how I like it! I than proceeded to do some laundry and than I prepared to go to work where I would be working the closing shift at McDonald's...yeah a fact I was not that please about, but what can you do? So i went to work, where almost everyone there gave me a hug and I was serenaded with a lovely chorus of "Happy Birthday" an dthan we all proceeded to smell the cake that had been bought for me. It was caramely goodness and we couldn't wait to eat it! Well work went pretty fast and was pretty busy, BUT I did manage to be surprised by some friends who stopped by and sang the birthday song to me again...in front of the entire restaurant...it was embarassing but well received. I clocked out and grabbed my cake and headed home...only to stop a few miles outside of Mesquite...traffic was literally stopped. When I rolled up the guy in front of me came over and informed me that he had been there stopped for half an hour already!
People I was in that spot FOR FOUR HOURS! For effing boring hours in which I got to observe drunk men air hump the guard rail, lots of people smoking, and even a trucker peeing! Needless to say I was very stressed out and over emotional when i got home at 5 in the AM when i should have been home by 1 am. Yeah I drove by the spot today and it had only taken me two minutes to get there today as opposed to the four hours yesterday. GAH! I am not really sure what happened, but it involved a big rig (18 wheeler) going over the side of a miniature cliff. Sad Day!
21 Things I have accomplished in 21 years:
1. Basic (and complex) motors functions (walking running etc)
2. Graduated high school and am in college
3. Learned how to drive and bought my own car
4. Lived on my own for a few months (and moved back to mommy hahaha but shh)
5. Earned FOUR varsity letters (Band, Colorguard, Golf, Swim)
6. Traveled out of country (France, Switzerland and Mexico)
7. Witnessed a sunset over an ocean
8. Taken a moonlight stroll with friends
9. Volunteered in an organization I can truly support (Miracle League)
10. Cut my own hair!
11. Performed on a stage and abroad (Thank you Encore! Also i was Zaneeta in the Music Man in middle school)
12. Went camping with just me and one other person..in a tent...with a fractured elbow
13. I Fractured my elbow...it was a minor fracture but still!
14. Got to say goodbye to my grandfather 5 minutes before he passed.
15. Seen enough of nature's beauty to know there is a God
16. I have found Faith and what it means to have it
17. I have loved and hurt for it, but I have learned what love is
18. I have gone parasailing
19. I have learned that there is ALWAYS something to smile about.
20. I have touched a shark
21. I have learned that I have a whole lot more to learn
21 Things I wish to accomplish in the next 21 years:
1. Get married...any takers ;)
2. Finish school...and work in a career that I went to school for
3. Have kids...not a ridiculous amount...but 5 would do.
4. Go to Ireland...and spend like a month (or longer) there
5. Watch the sunrise and the sunset in the same day.
6. Learn an instrument other than voice
7. Cook more
8. Never get another cavity
9. Keep at a healthy weight in proportion to my height and age (starting...NOW)
10. Never go a day without smiling
11. Better someone else's life by doing something completely selfless and unplanned
12. Learn and drive a motorcycle
13. Get a tattoo
14. Create something (other than a lifeform)
15. Develop superpowers (yes I CAN have that as a goal)
16. Go to Disneyland at LEAST once a year.
17. Maintain a close relationship with my family and friends
18. Finally burn that place to the ground (if you know what I am talking about....you know I will one day!)
19. Live to see this world turn for the better
20. Inspire hope and faith in others
21. Get busy living or get busy dying
That people is all for now. Goodnight!
I feel like a High Schooler
I was blog stalking and found this cute quiz that I stole from Lacey Sander's blog and decided to put it on mine! Enjoy!
1.) What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Technically? My finger....I was biting my nails *gasp* but foodwise it was milk and caramel cake that the people at work bought me for my birthday! YUM...day old cake!
2.)Name someone who made you laugh today?
My sister Erica, she made me laugh when she commented on a well wisher's post on my facebook wall. They wished me an "epic" birthday and Erica said I did....knowing I spent the whole evening in traffic hahaha
3.)How late did you stay up last night and why?
I stayed up until 5am! I was stuck in traffic on my way home from work because of a HUGE accident blocking the two lane highway!
4.) Ever been kissed under the fireworks?
Actually no. I have only really begun (within the last few months) to recieve a kiss on an almost daily basis...somehow we have missed the fireworks opportunity. And besides I think i would want to watch the show...I am too ADD
5.)Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Technically Robert and Zach are both tied hahaha they live like two minutes away from me!
6.) How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
I used to despise it, but lately I have grown accustomed to it. It still tastes odd though.
7.) When was the last time you cried really hard?
This morning when I got home and called my boss to let him know I had just gotten home after the accident...and he made me come into work..i was emotional and stressed and just bawled until I passed out
8.) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Myself last night after about three hours of sitting in the same spot in traffic....I was really bored.
9.) Was yesterday better than today?
Believe it or not...I actually enjoyed yesterday more...including the traffic haha
10.)Can you live a day without TV?
I actually have been living without tv for sometime now...well without it on a daily basis
11.)Are you upset about anything?
Not really at this moment.
12.)Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes actually. My current one is definitely worth it. ;) We have been through a lot already!
13.)Night out or night in?
Night in...night outs are fun, but I rather miss when Robert and I would just watch episodes of Firefly at his house.
14.)What items could you not go without during the day?
My cell phone. When missing I feel it's presence...like that limb I am missing or something. I think i need rehab
15.) Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My grandma like two years ago when she got her hip replacement surgery.
16.)What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"You offline again, I have to go though so I will see you tomorrow."- Robert Livingston via facebook
17.) Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
I would only be positive for the drug of pure awesomeness! ...but really I would pass.
18.)What do you miss?
There there aren't many things I do miss...but there are too many people to write down haha
19.) What song is stuck in your head?
Rock Your Body...I was singing it to the puppy when I was petting him...it randomly has been in my head all day.
20.)Someone knocks on your window at 2:00am. Who do you want it to be?
Obviously Robert....but at the same time I kinda want it to be Gerard Butler....bahahahaha
21.) Do you want to have grandkids before your 50?
Well if I have a few kids by the time I am 30 than at 50 they would be in their 20s...so yeah I am comfortable with the notion of having grandkids than..
22.) Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Ace my sociology exam...which i should be studying for...
1.) What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Technically? My finger....I was biting my nails *gasp* but foodwise it was milk and caramel cake that the people at work bought me for my birthday! YUM...day old cake!
2.)Name someone who made you laugh today?
My sister Erica, she made me laugh when she commented on a well wisher's post on my facebook wall. They wished me an "epic" birthday and Erica said I did....knowing I spent the whole evening in traffic hahaha
3.)How late did you stay up last night and why?
I stayed up until 5am! I was stuck in traffic on my way home from work because of a HUGE accident blocking the two lane highway!
4.) Ever been kissed under the fireworks?
Actually no. I have only really begun (within the last few months) to recieve a kiss on an almost daily basis...somehow we have missed the fireworks opportunity. And besides I think i would want to watch the show...I am too ADD
5.)Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Technically Robert and Zach are both tied hahaha they live like two minutes away from me!
6.) How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
I used to despise it, but lately I have grown accustomed to it. It still tastes odd though.
7.) When was the last time you cried really hard?
This morning when I got home and called my boss to let him know I had just gotten home after the accident...and he made me come into work..i was emotional and stressed and just bawled until I passed out
8.) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Myself last night after about three hours of sitting in the same spot in traffic....I was really bored.
9.) Was yesterday better than today?
Believe it or not...I actually enjoyed yesterday more...including the traffic haha
10.)Can you live a day without TV?
I actually have been living without tv for sometime now...well without it on a daily basis
11.)Are you upset about anything?
Not really at this moment.
12.)Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes actually. My current one is definitely worth it. ;) We have been through a lot already!
13.)Night out or night in?
Night in...night outs are fun, but I rather miss when Robert and I would just watch episodes of Firefly at his house.
14.)What items could you not go without during the day?
My cell phone. When missing I feel it's presence...like that limb I am missing or something. I think i need rehab
15.) Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My grandma like two years ago when she got her hip replacement surgery.
16.)What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"You offline again, I have to go though so I will see you tomorrow."- Robert Livingston via facebook
17.) Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
I would only be positive for the drug of pure awesomeness! ...but really I would pass.
18.)What do you miss?
There there aren't many things I do miss...but there are too many people to write down haha
19.) What song is stuck in your head?
Rock Your Body...I was singing it to the puppy when I was petting him...it randomly has been in my head all day.
20.)Someone knocks on your window at 2:00am. Who do you want it to be?
Obviously Robert....but at the same time I kinda want it to be Gerard Butler....bahahahaha
21.) Do you want to have grandkids before your 50?
Well if I have a few kids by the time I am 30 than at 50 they would be in their 20s...so yeah I am comfortable with the notion of having grandkids than..
22.) Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Ace my sociology exam...which i should be studying for...
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